We cannot help everyone in the world who needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Many people claim that it is better to solely pay attention to our own societies and nations rather than
supporting
Wrong verb form
support
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others
Use synonyms
in the world who need help. In my opinion, I agree that there are several advantages to helping our communities, yet the benefits of helping people around the world are worth mentioning. On the one hand, the opinion to help only our communities is attractive for several reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is more effective and easier to deal with problems in an accessible range.
For example
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, when building a new infrastructure, the local authorities could easily come up with a plan that utilizes all resources since they have a full understanding of financial and environmental situations.
Furthermore
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, the government could improve the living quality of its civilization. The figures of authority could spend money to subsidize people in rural areas or regions that have economic
potentials
Fix the agreement mistake
potential
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.
Therefore
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,
this
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could improve the living standards of civilians.
On the other hand
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, there is a variety of reasons why helping
others
Use synonyms
in the world could be advantageous. The first reason is that it provides chances to build relationships with other
countries
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. When spending time and effort to help other
countries
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, we may have chances to build a healthy and supportive relationship with them, which can be beneficial in the future.
Additionally
Linking Words
, helping other
countries
Use synonyms
may help to boost our own economy.
For example
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, when helping
others
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, we may have chances to advertise our cultures and traditions.
This
Linking Words
could attract more tourists and investors to the country and eventually improve the economy. In conclusion, there are certain benefits of concerning our own communities and
countries
Use synonyms
.
However
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, I believe that the advantages of helping
others
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around the globe are more significant.
Submitted by ieltsamiedu on

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task achievement
To enhance task achievement, consider providing more specific examples that are directly linked to the argument you are making. This will strengthen your essay and make your points more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, try to use a wider variety of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between ideas. This will help to further unify your essay and guide the reader smoothly through your argument.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and provide a solid frame for the essay.
logical structure
The essay generally maintains a logical structure with clear paragraphs dedicated to different points of view.
complete response
You have presented a balanced discussion by acknowledging both sides of the argument, which is important for task achievement.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • global interconnectivity
  • international cooperation
  • ethics
  • moral obligation
  • geographical borders
  • diplomatic relations
  • economic stability
  • global security
  • resource allocation
  • expertise
  • international aid
  • dependency and development
  • sustainable solutions
  • local and global initiatives
  • community resilience
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