We cannot help everyone in the world who needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Many people claim that it is better to solely pay attention to our own societies and nations rather than

supporting

Wrong verb form

support

show examples

others

in the world who need help. In my opinion, I agree that there are several advantages to helping our communities, yet the benefits of helping people around the world are worth mentioning. On the one hand, the opinion to help only our communities is attractive for several reasons.

Firstly

, it is more effective and easier to deal with problems in an accessible range.

For example

, when building a new infrastructure, the local authorities could easily come up with a plan that utilizes all resources since they have a full understanding of financial and environmental situations.

Furthermore

, the government could improve the living quality of its civilization. The figures of authority could spend money to subsidize people in rural areas or regions that have economic

potentials

Fix the agreement mistake

potential

show examples

Therefore

this

could improve the living standards of civilians.

On the other hand

, there is a variety of reasons why helping

others

in the world could be advantageous. The first reason is that it provides chances to build relationships with other

countries

. When spending time and effort to help other

countries

, we may have chances to build a healthy and supportive relationship with them, which can be beneficial in the future.

Additionally

, helping other

countries

may help to boost our own economy.

For example

, when helping

others

, we may have chances to advertise our cultures and traditions.

This

could attract more tourists and investors to the country and eventually improve the economy. In conclusion, there are certain benefits of concerning our own communities and

countries

However

, I believe that the advantages of helping

others

around the globe are more significant.

Submitted by ieltsamiedu on Wed Oct 09 2024

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task achievement

To enhance task achievement, consider providing more specific examples that are directly linked to the argument you are making. This will strengthen your essay and make your points more persuasive.

coherence cohesion

For coherence and cohesion, try to use a wider variety of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between ideas. This will help to further unify your essay and guide the reader smoothly through your argument.

introduction conclusion present

Your introduction and conclusion are clear and provide a solid frame for the essay.

logical structure

The essay generally maintains a logical structure with clear paragraphs dedicated to different points of view.

complete response

You have presented a balanced discussion by acknowledging both sides of the argument, which is important for task achievement.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

286 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

7.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

global interconnectivity
international cooperation
ethics
moral obligation
geographical borders
diplomatic relations
economic stability
global security
resource allocation
expertise
international aid
dependency and development
sustainable solutions
local and global initiatives
community resilience

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We cannot help everyone in the world who needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think that men are naturally more competitive than women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is common aspiration among many young peopleto run their own business, rather than work for an employer. Do you think the advantages of working for yourself outweigh the drawbacks?

Some students prefer to take a gap year between high school and university, to work or travel. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people say that supermarkets and manufacturers have a responsibility to reduce the amount of packaging on products they sell. Others believe that it is the consumer’s responsibility to avoid buying products which have a lot of packaging. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment. What are the causes of this? What can be done to solve this problem?