Writing Task 2: Some people believe young people are more attracted to fashion and it causes negative aspects to themselves and society. Do you agree or disagree?

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Fashion
is magic for young
people
. Since
people
love
clothes
. To illustrate jacket, t-shirt, jean, dress etc.
Nevertheless
, every young
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
shouldn't wear. Seeing that some
clothes
and colours are not compatible with each other. To oversimplify pink and orange, red and orange, blue and brown etc.
Therefore
young
people
should wear fashionable
clothes
, you will look a sight. After that other adult
people
can criticize young
people
.
Also
, young
people
may be uncomfortable with
this
issue.
Firstly
, young
people
love colourful dresses. Seeing as they are young and colourful
clothes
look good on them.
Besides
,
colorful
Change the spelling
colourful
show examples
clothes
are very fashionable nowadays. Young
people
should wear what they want. In
this
way, it can be both stylish and colourful and they can be happy in their life. Taking everything into account
fashion
has a different significance for young
people
. For the reason that
fashion
bespeak to young
people
.
Secondly
, some
people
loves
Change the verb form
love
show examples
to talk to everything. In that some
people
are jealous.
Hence
young
people
shouldn't care about these
people
.
Otherwise
Add a comma
Otherwise,
show examples
this
situation upset young
people
.
For
this
reason, young
people
mustn't warrant to
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
people
. Because it's quite disturbing. All in all,
fashion
is essential for young
people
. In as much as
fashion
is interesting. From my point of view, I strongly believe that all young
people
should wear what they want.
For
this
reason
Add a comma
,
show examples
people
who love
fashion
have the right to dress well.
Fashion
exists mostly for young
people
. As an extra, we should show respect to every
people
's
fashion
.
Submitted by eylulelveren7 on

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, you could mention how fashion influences young people's self-expression or social interactions.
coherence cohesion
Improve cohesion by using linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly. This will help the reader follow your argument better.
coherence cohesion
Further develop your introduction by clearly stating whether you agree or disagree with the statement and hinting at the reasons supporting your position.
task achievement
The essay effectively presents the idea that fashion holds a special significance for young people and that they should have the freedom to wear what they want.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion summarizes the main points and reiterates the importance of fashion for young people, which ties the essay together well.
task achievement
You clearly convey that young people should not be overly concerned by criticism from adults, which adds depth to your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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