Some people believe young people are more attracted to fashion and it causes negative aspects to themselves and society. Do you agree or disagree?

Fashion

Use synonyms

is magic for young

people

Use synonyms

. Since

people

Use synonyms

love

clothes

Use synonyms

. To illustrate jacket, t-shirt, jean, dress etc.

Nevertheless

Linking Words

, every young

Use synonyms

people

Fix the agreement mistake

person

show examples

shouldn't wear. Seeing that some

clothes

Use synonyms

and colours are not compatible with each other. To oversimplify pink and orange, red and orange, blue and brown etc.

Therefore

Linking Words

young

people

Use synonyms

should wear fashionable

clothes

Use synonyms

, you will look a sight. After that other adult

people

Use synonyms

can criticize young

people

Use synonyms

Also

Linking Words

, young

people

Use synonyms

may be uncomfortable with

this

Linking Words

issue.

Firstly

Linking Words

, young

people

Use synonyms

love colourful dresses. Seeing as they are young and colourful

clothes

Use synonyms

look good on them.

Besides

Linking Words

colorful

Change the spelling

colourful

show examples

clothes

Use synonyms

are very fashionable nowadays. Young

people

Use synonyms

should wear what they want. In

this

Linking Words

way, it can be both stylish and colourful and they can be happy in their life. Taking everything into account

fashion

Use synonyms

has a different significance for young

people

Use synonyms

. For the reason that

fashion

Use synonyms

bespeak to young

people

Use synonyms

Secondly

Linking Words

, some

people

Use synonyms

loves

Change the verb form

love

show examples

to talk to everything. In that some

people

Use synonyms

are jealous.

Hence

Linking Words

young

people

Use synonyms

shouldn't care about these

people

Use synonyms

Linking Words

Otherwise

Add a comma

Otherwise,

show examples

this

Linking Words

situation upset young

people

Use synonyms

For

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

reason, young

people

Use synonyms

mustn't warrant to

Linking Words

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

people

Use synonyms

. Because it's quite disturbing. All in all,

fashion

Use synonyms

is essential for young

people

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. In as much as

fashion

Use synonyms

is interesting. From my point of view, I strongly believe that all young

people

Use synonyms

should wear what they want.

For

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

reason

Add a comma

show examples

people

Use synonyms

who love

fashion

Use synonyms

have the right to dress well.

Fashion

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exists mostly for young

people

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. As an extra, we should show respect to every

people

Use synonyms

fashion

Use synonyms

eylulelveren7Wed Oct 09 2024

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task achievement

Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, you could mention how fashion influences young people's self-expression or social interactions.

coherence cohesion

Improve cohesion by using linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly. This will help the reader follow your argument better.

coherence cohesion

Further develop your introduction by clearly stating whether you agree or disagree with the statement and hinting at the reasons supporting your position.

task achievement

The essay effectively presents the idea that fashion holds a special significance for young people and that they should have the freedom to wear what they want.

coherence cohesion

The conclusion summarizes the main points and reiterates the importance of fashion for young people, which ties the essay together well.

task achievement

You clearly convey that young people should not be overly concerned by criticism from adults, which adds depth to your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

253 words

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Some people believe young people are more attracted to fashion and it causes negative aspects to themselves and society. Do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In many countries, smoking is now illegal in public places. Many people believe that such a ban is justified. Do you agree or disagree?

There should only be one government in the world rather than a national government for each country. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some people believe that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones for communications has had a negative effect on young people’s reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The government should invest more money in teaching science than in other subjects for a country development and progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree?