some people say government should give health care the first priorities, some others believe there are more important priorities to spend the tax payers' money. discuss both views and give your opinion

In recent days, some people believe that the government should prioritize spending money on other things that are more crucial than
healthcare
like establishing infrastructure or societal needs,
while
others hold that if a person is without a healthy condition, other things are out of the question. Personally, I agree with both points, it should take a balanced approach to
this
issue. Admittedly, those who believe that
healthcare
should be the first position on government budgets do have a point. From
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
benefits, a healthy population is essential for a prosperous society; it plays a crucial role in productivity, leading to better outcomes of disease prevention, treatment, and
overall
quality of life.
For instance
, in 2022, there was an epidemic of COVID-19 in which the mortality rate was very high, which caused nearly 700 million people to die in
this
outbreak and
also
caused a 32% shrinkage in international trade volume.
However
, those who express dissenting opinions assert that
although
healthcare
is significant, other sectors,
such
as unemployment and poverty alleviation, should take precedence because these problems directly affect public health.
Besides
, investments in infrastructure and education can boost the economy, and education is vital for creating a skilled workforce. From what has been analyzed above, there are still more perspectives on how the government arranges the sequence of budget, no matter which one is
first,
the best way is to keep
balnace
Correct your spelling
balance
, where
healthcare
is given significant resources but not at the expense of other critical areas like education and security.
Submitted by yuwen027 on

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task response
Your essay addresses both viewpoints and provides a balanced perspective, which is commendable. However, try to elaborate more on your own opinion and ensure it's clearly stated throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
To improve clarity, ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence. This will enhance the logical flow of your essay.
task response
Use more specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments more persuasive and demonstrate a deeper engagement with the topic.
task response
The essay provides a balanced view on an important issue, which shows a good grasp of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your paragraphs is well-maintained, with clear transitions between ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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