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Band 6.5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#people #health #alternative #medicines #treatments #doctor #development
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Over the past few years, there has been growth in the number of people cutting down on seeing the usual doctor and preferring to use
alternative
Use synonyms
 methods and nature-based products which can be good for patient health, I would argue and give more details that there are far more downsides. People recently tend to make use of diverse therapists,
such
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 as herbal products, Aromatherapy, meditation, and peppermint
due to
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 flexible reasons. At
first,
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treatment can cure illness without side effects potentially like other modern medicines that can follow in several complications like Allergic, latent sequelae, and bad-react.
Patients
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’ livers
also
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 be harmed by chemical ingredients in medicine day by day.
Alternative
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 medicines have the majority of nature-component
such
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 as oils and herbs so there seem to be less of harmful substances in
patients
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 who have long-term use of treatment
plan
Fix the agreement mistake
plans
show examples
.
Moreover
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,
alternative
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treatments
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 are usually cheaper and more convenient than medicines,
for example
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:
patients
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 can do yoga or medication at home when they want to kill their time. Maybe,
patients
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 can plant herbs by hand in their garden for free.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 phenomenon can be given lots of various problems. At
first,
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both
alternative
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treatments
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 and medications are effective. Not any
alternative
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 has proved itself to ensure your disease would be cured.
Therefore
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,
patients
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 might not know which illness they are suffering from and end up wasting time or struggling with pain caused by illness. For acute disease – the worst of phase disease, Herbs and nature therapy have no way to help their health but it’s will better than to cure with medical
treatments
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. In conclusion, both
alternative
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 therapists and medication
treatments
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 are good for
patients
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’ diseases if they consider which way would be better and suitable for their medical condition. Or both of those can be mixed up to support each other, against and release more painful, secondary effects out of the patient’s body.
Submitted by jakelong16091994 on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the structure of your essay for better coherence and cohesion. Start by organizing your essay into clear paragraphs: introduction, body paragraphs with distinct points, and a conclusion.
task achievement
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and is supported by examples and explanations to develop your points clearly.
task achievement
Strive for consistency in presenting your arguments. Some ideas were repeated, while others needed more depth and clarification.
task achievement
You provided a balanced view by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of alternative medicine.
task achievement
You included examples of alternative medicine which makes your arguments more relatable.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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