In some countries, owning a home rather than rent is important for people. Why is this the case? Do you think that this is a positive or negative situation?
In certain nations, it is commonly suggested that
individuals
should own their own homes rather than renting
since, in these Replace the word
rent
countries
, local real estate agencies and governments often collaborate to offer enticing incentives that take advantage of individuals
. However
, I personally believe that this
is not a practical or cost-effective solution. Instead
, living in affordable rental houses or apartments enables individuals
to allocate their resources towards other important endeavours. In the following paragraphs, I will provide examples to support this
argument.
In many countries
where home
ownership is encouraged, individuals
are often led to believe that owning a house and raising a family are the most important aspects of life. However
, with the rise of social media and online information platforms, such
as Facebook and YouTube, individuals
are beginning to recognize that there are other lifestyles that are just as valid. In fact, in developed countries
such
as the United States, Britain, and Japan, there are now more couples without children or single households than ever before. Furthermore
, a recent survey in Japan in 2023 revealed that the most common reason for not owning a house was the desire to travel and gain new experiences.
In addition
, governments and real estate agencies often prioritize revenue generation over their citizens' well-being. They view the purchase of houses in certain prefectures or countries
as an opportunity to increase tax revenue. Consequently
, the focus is on revenue rather than the happiness of the people. For example
, one advantage of owning a home
is the stability it provides and the strong sense of community that develops between local residents. However
, in reality, many individuals
are forced to sell their homes at a lower price than initially
purchased, particularly towards the end of their lives. This
situation frequently leads to feelings of sadness and depression, especially among elderly individuals
who witness disputes over household rights between their siblings. Moreover
, the necessity to work diligently in order to purchase a home
often results in a fruitless sale in the end.
In summary, although
some people still believe that owning a home
is a symbol of a good living standard, an increasing number of individuals
are becoming aware of this
misconception through the use of the internet. The government should work together with
real estate agencies to address this
issue in a manner that enables more individuals
to live happily and comfortably until the end of their lives.Submitted by kana_ayaki on
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task achievement
While the essay provides a complete response to the prompt, the connection of incentives from local real estate agencies and governments to the argument could be made clearer and more direct.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph centers around a single main point and that this point directly supports your thesis. The idea of social media influencing life choices could be more explicitly tied to the argument against home ownership.
coherence cohesion
Your essay contains transitions between paragraphs, but ensure these transitions clearly indicate how each paragraph builds on the previous one. More explicit linking phrases could help achieve this.
task achievement
Whenever providing examples such as the survey in Japan, make sure these examples are directly linked back to your main argument to ensure they are seen as relevant and supportive.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively sets up the discussion by clearly stating your viewpoint and what the essay will cover.
clear comprehensive ideas
You adeptly cover multiple aspects of why renting might be preferable to owning a home, showing breadth in your assessment.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.
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