In some countries, owning a home rather than rent is important for people. Why is this the case? Do you think that this is a positive or negative situation?

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In certain nations, it is commonly suggested that

individuals

Use synonyms

should own their own homes rather than

renting

Replace the word

rent

show examples

since, in these

countries

Use synonyms

, local real estate agencies and governments often collaborate to offer enticing incentives that take advantage of

individuals

Use synonyms

However

Linking Words

, I personally believe that

this

Linking Words

is not a practical or cost-effective solution.

Instead

Linking Words

, living in affordable rental houses or apartments enables

individuals

Use synonyms

to allocate their resources towards other important endeavours. In the following paragraphs, I will provide examples to support

this

Linking Words

argument. In many

countries

Use synonyms

where

home

Use synonyms

ownership is encouraged,

individuals

Use synonyms

are often led to believe that owning a house and raising a family are the most important aspects of life.

However

Linking Words

, with the rise of social media and online information platforms,

such

Linking Words

as Facebook and YouTube,

individuals

Use synonyms

are beginning to recognize that there are other lifestyles that are just as valid. In fact, in developed

countries

Use synonyms

such

Linking Words

as the United States, Britain, and Japan, there are now more couples without children or single households than ever before.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, a recent survey in Japan in 2023 revealed that the most common reason for not owning a house was the desire to travel and gain new experiences.

In addition

Linking Words

, governments and real estate agencies often prioritize revenue generation over their citizens' well-being. They view the purchase of houses in certain prefectures or

countries

Use synonyms

as an opportunity to increase tax revenue.

Consequently

Linking Words

, the focus is on revenue rather than the happiness of the people.

For example

Linking Words

, one advantage of owning a

home

Use synonyms

is the stability it provides and the strong sense of community that develops between local residents.

However

Linking Words

, in reality, many

individuals

Use synonyms

are forced to sell their homes at a lower price than

initially

Linking Words

purchased, particularly towards the end of their lives.

This

Linking Words

situation frequently leads to feelings of sadness and depression, especially among elderly

individuals

Use synonyms

who witness disputes over household rights between their siblings.

Moreover

Linking Words

, the necessity to work diligently in order to purchase a

home

Use synonyms

often results in a fruitless sale in the end. In summary,

although

Linking Words

some people still believe that owning a

home

Use synonyms

is a symbol of a good living standard, an increasing number of

individuals

Use synonyms

are becoming aware of

this

Linking Words

misconception through the use of the internet. The government should work

together with

Linking Words

real estate agencies to address

this

Linking Words

issue in a manner that enables more

individuals

Use synonyms

to live happily and comfortably until the end of their lives.

kana_ayakiWed May 29 2024

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task achievement

While the essay provides a complete response to the prompt, the connection of incentives from local real estate agencies and governments to the argument could be made clearer and more direct.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph centers around a single main point and that this point directly supports your thesis. The idea of social media influencing life choices could be more explicitly tied to the argument against home ownership.

coherence cohesion

Your essay contains transitions between paragraphs, but ensure these transitions clearly indicate how each paragraph builds on the previous one. More explicit linking phrases could help achieve this.

task achievement

Whenever providing examples such as the survey in Japan, make sure these examples are directly linked back to your main argument to ensure they are seen as relevant and supportive.

introduction conclusion present

Your introduction effectively sets up the discussion by clearly stating your viewpoint and what the essay will cover.

clear comprehensive ideas

You adeptly cover multiple aspects of why renting might be preferable to owning a home, showing breadth in your assessment.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

401 words

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In some countries, owning a home rather than rent is important for people. Why is this the case? Do you think that this is a positive or negative situation?

Word Count

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Because of the negative effects on health of an inactive lifestyle, all university students and school children should be forced to do sports activities at least 3 times per week. Do you agree? Write your argumentative essay.

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