IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays, not enough students choose science subjects in university in many countries. What is the reasons for this problem? What are the effect on the society?

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It is a fact that these days, not enough tutees choose
science
Use synonyms
 subjects in university in many nations. There are several reasons for
such
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 a situation and
also
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 some circumstances which have resulted
due to
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this
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 issue. Both the reasons and the influences are elaborated
further
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.
To begin
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 with, it is true that society believes that for a better career
science
Use synonyms
 and technology are an only option for university graduates.
However
Linking Words
, a plethora of pupils are more inclined towards more artistic and always looking for new. The main reason is social media and
the an
Choose an article
the
an
show examples
 internet, which open portals for every learner.
For instance
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, a recent survey conducted in the UK that 60 per cent of college students are taking
interest
Correct article usage
an interest
show examples
 in music, dance and filmmaking courses.
Hence
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,
this
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 is all because of the web world which gives them access to explore more about what they want to become in their life.
On the other hand
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, the mentioned causes have some impacts too. The foremost effect is seen on the society and the nation where the tools that we all are using as a source for everything are all because of the innovations which were done by the scientists, and the new generation is not involved in the growth of the technology if they are not learning
science
Use synonyms
.
Thus
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, the world is losing the people who believe that soon there will be a life on the moon.
To conclude
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 the topic, it can be
finally
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 commented that the right influencer they needed at the correct time and has good effects. So, we should let them know about the
science
Use synonyms
 and the benefits of it so it will encourage them.

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task achievement
Your introduction provides a clear overview of the topic, but try to make your thesis statement more direct by summarizing the key reasons and effects succinctly.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph has a clear central idea. While you do mention reasons and effects, it would be beneficial to ensure that each paragraph fully develops one main point.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant, but providing clearer statistics and studies could strengthen your argument. For instance, explaining how the survey specifically relates to the trend you're discussing would make your argument more compelling.
task achievement
The essay touches on relevant and significant themes concerning education and societal values, which indicates a good understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
You effectively utilized a variety of vocabulary relating to education and technology, which adds depth to your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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