all the present time, the population of some countries includes a realtively large number of young adults, compared with number of older peoples. do you think advantages of this outweight disadvantages

In my point of view, I firmly believe that
this
situation has more advantages compared to the disadvantages. Young
adults
are the pillars of the
country
and the bright future that will help the
country
develop in a better spotlight. And having young
adults
will definitely guarantee a longer development for the
country
.
Furthermore
, since young people have more physical superiority
such
as strength and stamina than older
generations
, they can do more work and bring more success to the growth of the
country
.
Also
, young
adults
tend to be quick learners and will maintain the balance of technology developments and are bound to be not left out of the new trends. Even though
,
Remove the comma
apply
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older people are wiser and have more experience ,they will teach what they have learned and the experiences they’ve faced in life to the younger
generations
and help the younger people to adapt to the many possibilities of the world
as well as
experience more. On top of that , the young
generations
tended to be more creative and productive, which brings great results, like: inventing new technologies and pushing the
country
to bloom
further
. In conclusion , I came to a point that every younger
adults
Change to a singular noun
adult
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hold
Correct subject-verb agreement
holds
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the power to shape the future for the better and bring forth a better life for the next generation
that is
to come.
Moreover
, I strongly believe in the
creativeness
Replace the word
creativity
show examples
and benefits that young
adults
bring to the
country
’s greater good.
Also
, there should be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
harmony between younger and older
generations
, to decrease the disadvantages and bring more beneficial possibilities for the
overall
benefits of both sides, is what I conclude.
Submitted by pandatvin3 on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention specific industries or sectors where young adults contribute significantly.
task achievement
Clarify your argument further by discussing potential disadvantages more comprehensively to enhance depth.
coherence cohesion
Improve transitions between points to maintain a steady flow and seamless transitions for enhanced clarity.
task achievement
Clear and comprehensive ideas are presented, showcasing a strong understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a well-structured introduction and conclusion that encapsulate the main arguments effectively.
coherence cohesion
The main points are logically organized, providing a good overall flow to the response.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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