IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children. Do you agree or disagree?

#computer #effects #children
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It is sometimes argued that youngsters have become more attached to technology. I completely agree that using
computers
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 on a daily basis has more downsides for
children
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 than positive sides.
Firstly
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,
Computers
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 have become an integral part of people's daily lives including
children
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, which have many negative aspects. It becomes the main reason for
students
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' distractions in
school
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.
students
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 spend too much
time
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 on laptops playing games or chatting with friends, neglecting
school
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 homework and not participating in
school
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 activities. Teachers,
on the other hand
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, suffer from
this
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 issue as they find it difficult to teach
students
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 any subject without making huge efforts.
For example
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,
children
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 who play video games prove to have concentration problems more than other
students
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 and need more
time
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 to grasp the information given by teachers, which affects their
school
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 grades.
Secondly
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,
Computers
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 have an impact on
children
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's personalities. Youngsters are found to have personality issues. Spending a great deal of
time
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 on
computers
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 hinders them from interacting with their peers,
while
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children
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 should spend more
time
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 with friends, in reality, they prefer to take
this
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time
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 and spend it on virtual lives.
As a result
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, it affects their personalities and become more introverted.
For instance
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, parents need help from experts to fix their
children
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's negative behaviours from using laptops every day. In conclusion, I do believe that the daily using of
computers
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 has many drawbacks than benefits for
children
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's health and personalities.
Submitted by nidaa_hamed on

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task achievement
The introduction sets the stage well, and the conclusion effectively reiterates the main points. However, try to better develop the main ideas with more varied vocabulary and sentence structures to increase clarity.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is logically structured, the paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences and smoother transitions between ideas. Try to use a wider range of cohesive devices for better flow.
task achievement
The essay effectively outlines the negative impacts of daily computer usage on children, such as distractions in school and personality issues.
coherence cohesion
Both the introduction and conclusion are present and provide a clear position and summary.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Screen time
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Physical inactivity
  • Cognitive development
  • Internet addiction
  • Cyberbullying
  • Inappropriate content
  • Digital literacy
  • Virtual learning environments
  • Parental controls
  • Moderation
  • Online safety
  • Tech-savvy
  • E-learning
  • Information technology
  • Eye strain
  • Social skills
  • Multitasking
  • Interactive education
  • Health repercussions
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