IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The graph below shows the hospital admissions for three hospitals from 1980 to 2010.

The graph below shows the hospital admissions for three hospitals from 1980 to 2010.
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The given bar graph elucidates the number of
patients
Use synonyms
 admitted to three different hospitals from 1980 to 2010.
Initially
Linking Words
, the graph covers a 30-year
period
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 (from 1980 to 2010.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the King's Hospital is the highest among all the hospitals with more than 20
million
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patients
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 admitted from the beginning, yet it began to diminish in the following years.
However
Linking Words
, King's lowest number of
patients
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 was in 2010 with just 15
million
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.
Additionally
Linking Words
, N&N hospital admissions fluctuated slightly throughout the
period
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 shown between approximately ( 12
million
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 and 16
million
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patients
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).
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it begins and ends with
same
Change the article
a same
the same
show examples
 number of
patients
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 with exactly 14
million
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.
Further
Linking Words
 analysing the paragraph, St Patrick's hospital admission starts with
initially
Linking Words
 5
million
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patients
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.
Although
Linking Words
, it rose significantly over the
period
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 and reached its highest in 1990 with approximately 15
million
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patients
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, over the
period
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 it
gain
Change the verb form
gains
show examples
 roughly 13
million
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patients
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 by 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the graph shows a significant trend between the three hospitals'
patients
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' admission figures. In which the king's hospital gains the highest amount of
patients
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.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, N &N shows stagnant behaviour throughout the
period
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.
Whereas
Linking Words
, St Patrick's begins with the lowest, but overtook N &N with great improvement.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "initially".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words patients, period, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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