The graph below shows the hospital admissions for three hospitals from 1980 to 2010.

#admissions #three #hospitals

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The given bar graph elucidates the number of

patients

Use synonyms

admitted to three different hospitals from 1980 to 2010.

Initially

Linking Words

, the graph covers a 30-year

period

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(from 1980 to 2010.

Moreover

Linking Words

, the King's Hospital is the highest among all the hospitals with more than 20

million

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patients

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admitted from the beginning, yet it began to diminish in the following years.

However

Linking Words

, King's lowest number of

patients

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was in 2010 with just 15

million

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Additionally

Linking Words

, N&N hospital admissions fluctuated slightly throughout the

period

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shown between approximately ( 12

million

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and 16

million

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patients

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While

Linking Words

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

it begins and ends with

same

Change the article

a same

the same

show examples

number of

patients

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with exactly 14

million

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Further

Linking Words

analysing the paragraph, St Patrick's hospital admission starts with

initially

Linking Words

million

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patients

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Although

Linking Words

, it rose significantly over the

period

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and reached its highest in 1990 with approximately 15

million

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patients

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Furthermore

Linking Words

, over the

period

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gain

Change the verb form

gains

show examples

roughly 13

million

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patients

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by 2010.

Overall

Linking Words

, the graph shows a significant trend between the three hospitals'

patients

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' admission figures. In which the king's hospital gains the highest amount of

patients

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Nevertheless

Linking Words

, N &N shows stagnant behaviour throughout the

period

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Whereas

Linking Words

, St Patrick's begins with the lowest, but overtook N &N with great improvement.

Submitted by poonam.tushir0099 on Fri Oct 11 2024

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "initially".

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.

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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.

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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words patients, period, million with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.

▼

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

197 words

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The graph below shows the hospital admissions for three hospitals from 1980 to 2010.

Some high schools have a requirement that students must complete a certain amount of volunteer work in order to graduate. What do you think about this type of requirement? Give details to support your opinion.

It is becoming increasingly popular to have a year off between finishing school and going to university. What the adventages and disadventages of this ?

we are addicted to social media . Do you agree or disagree ?

Many countries believe that international tourism has harmful effects. Why do they think so? What can be done to change their views?

In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.