The graph below shows the hospital admissions for three hospitals from 1980 to 2010.

#admissions #three #hospitals

The given bar graph elucidates the number of

patients

admitted to three different hospitals from 1980 to 2010.

Initially

, the graph covers a 30-year

period

(from 1980 to 2010.

Moreover

, the King's Hospital is the highest among all the hospitals with more than 20

million

patients

admitted from the beginning, yet it began to diminish in the following years.

However

, King's lowest number of

patients

was in 2010 with just 15

million

Additionally

, N&N hospital admissions fluctuated slightly throughout the

period

shown between approximately ( 12

million

and 16

million

patients

While

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

it begins and ends with

same

Change the article

a same

the same

show examples

number of

patients

with exactly 14

million

Further

analysing the paragraph, St Patrick's hospital admission starts with

initially

million

patients

Although

, it rose significantly over the

period

and reached its highest in 1990 with approximately 15

million

patients

Furthermore

, over the

period

gain

Change the verb form

gains

show examples

roughly 13

million

patients

by 2010.

Overall

, the graph shows a significant trend between the three hospitals'

patients

' admission figures. In which the king's hospital gains the highest amount of

patients

Nevertheless

, N &N shows stagnant behaviour throughout the

period

Whereas

, St Patrick's begins with the lowest, but overtook N &N with great improvement.

Submitted by poonam.tushir0099 on Fri Oct 11 2024

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "initially".

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.

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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.

▼

Introduction: The chart intro is missing.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words patients, period, million with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.

▼

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

197 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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The graph below shows the hospital admissions for three hospitals from 1980 to 2010.

In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government has the responsibility to solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In some countries today, many people decide to have their first child when they are older. Why? Is it a positive or negative phenomenon?

Some people believe that after the child begins his/her schooling their teachers will have more influence than their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?