IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that cars are the best way to travel in a city, while others think that bicycle is better. Discuss both point of views and give your opinion

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While
Linking Words
 some
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 Think that driving cars to travel in a city is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 easier and
a
Correct article usage
apply
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better way for their body, as they do not need to walk lots.
Whereas
Linking Words
, I firmly believe that there are more benefits to taking a
bicyle
Correct your spelling
bicycle
 to travel in a city. there are no correct or
worng
Correct your spelling
wrong
 answers, but It is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
more persuasive than the former. On the one hand, driving cars provides
convenient
Replace the word
convenience
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. They do not need to take more energy to travel,
such
Linking Words
 as walking,
running
Correct word choice
or running
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 before tunning to the red lights and facing
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the weather
condtions
Correct your spelling
conditions
.
However
Linking Words
, It is true that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traffic jams and accidents
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
occured
Correct your spelling
occur
 on the road frequently which can
impacted
Change the verb form
impact
be impacted
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 to
estimate
Wrong verb form
estimated
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 time to arrive.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Cars are likely to cause
environment
Replace the word
environmental
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 pollution, Because they generate lots of air contaminants which contribute to global warming.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
It is clear that
Linking Words
 Riding a bicycle can help
people
Use synonyms
 build healthier habits. Modern
life-styles
Correct your spelling
lifestyles
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 ruin
people
Use synonyms
's
healths
Fix the agreement mistake
health
show examples
. Because they do not have enough time to
exersices
Correct your spelling
exercise
exercises
 or
lesiure
Correct your spelling
leisure
.
For example
Linking Words
,
thease
Correct your spelling
these
 days,
people
Use synonyms
lack
Correct pronoun usage
who lack
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of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
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are
Correct word choice
and are
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suffuring
Correct your spelling
suffering
to
Change preposition
from
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 obesity, insomnia and depression. In these situations, Riding a bicycle gives extra time to work out which can improve their health conditions, both mental and physical.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
This
Linking Words
 method is unlikely to generate air pollutants which relate to not only
environment
Replace the word
environmental
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healt
Correct your spelling
health
 but
also
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
's lung health . In conclusion, It is apparent that driving
car
Add an article
a car
show examples
 can save
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
's energy
while
Linking Words
 it reduces the average health level of individuals.
In contrast
Linking Words
, Riding
bicycle
Correct article usage
a bicycle
show examples
 to trip
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
 has more advantages to having healthier behaviours and environments.

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coherence cohesion
Try to ensure all sentences are structured correctly and consider revising complex sentences to enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
For coherence, focus on the logical flow between points in the body paragraphs. Ensure transitions between ideas are smooth.
task achievement
While the essay covers both points of view, strengthen your arguments with more detailed explanations and justifications.
task achievement
For task achievement, work on presenting more detailed responses and consider deeper exploration into each viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, showing good structure.
task achievement
You provided specific examples, which help to make your arguments more concrete.
task achievement
You address both points of view as required by the question, which is a good task achievement.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • convenience
  • comfort
  • faster transportation
  • flexibility
  • routes
  • destinations
  • passengers
  • loads
  • health benefits
  • environmental benefits
  • sustainable lifestyle
  • cost-effective
  • maneuverability
  • congested areas
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