IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that the government should provide free healthcare for all citizens. Other think that individuals should pay for their own medical costs. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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It is commonly believed that free healthcare for all
people
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 should be provided by the government.
However
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, some citizens think medical costs are individual
responsibility
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. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both these views and try to draw a conclusion. On the one hand, it is always true that all hospitals should become free for
people
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 in the
country
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 because a
country
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 has a
responsibility
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 to keep the society healthy.
Firstly
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, In the
country
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, not all
people
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 are rich, so to keep the community always healthy, the public
sector
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 should earn a penny to help the poor society. So, they can survive the disease.
Secondly
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, to build a
country
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, the public
sector
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 should make sure the poor
people
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 can avoid illness. And, to make sure
this
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 phenomenon, the
country
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 should spend their penny to develop hospitals to help its communities.
For instance
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, in India, their government spent almost 5% of their income on building a public health
sector
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 in the countryside in 2020.
On the other hand
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, some communities think that medical cost is part of human rights.
However
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, it is well known that every treatment in a hospital is very expensive and poor
people
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 must be could not afford it.
For instance
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, German citizens should make an agreement to pay their medical costs for serious illnesses because the price is very expensive.
Furthermore
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, to build a
country
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, the government has the
responsibility
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 to spend its money on public health services, and the citizens not to worry about their condition. In a nutshell, I believe that the public
sector
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 should spend its money to keep communities healthy and build public hospitals. It is free access for
people
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, rather than the medical cost becoming an individual's
responsibility
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.

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introduction advice
Your introduction is clear and introduces the topic well. However, make sure to outline both viewpoints more thoroughly to strengthen the reader's understanding from the start.
cohesion advice
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea and transitions smoothly to the next. This will improve the overall flow of your essay and make it easier to follow.
task achievement advice
Your ideas are generally clear, but they could be more detailed. Aim to elaborate on your points to provide a deeper analysis of each perspective. This will enhance the task achievement score.
task achievement advice
Try to incorporate more specific and varied examples to back up your arguments. This will make your points more convincing and relevant.
conclusion highlight
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your position and restates the main points discussed in the essay. This is a strong way to end your discussion.
structure highlight
The essay structure is clear, with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This helps maintain a logical flow throughout the essay.
example highlight
You have provided relevant examples, such as the example of India, which supports your arguments well.
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