IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Governments should spend more money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#governments #money #railways #roads
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Some
people
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 argue that the
government
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 should invest in
railways
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instead
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 of
roads
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. I strongly agree with
this
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 statement.
This
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 essay will examine my views and justify the proposed stance. To commence, numerous reasons contribute to why spending money on
railways
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 is indispensable. First and foremost,
trains
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 are instrumental forms of public
transportation
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 for individuals who live in urban cities, as these
people
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 often use the train as a primary public
transportation
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 for commuting on daily occasions.
Hence
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, investing sufficient amounts of money can develop a robust mode of
transportation
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 to accommodate those
people
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's needs.
Additionally
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, with efficient public
transportation
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such
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 as
trains
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, the number of public
transportation
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 users can surge dramatically, as many
people
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 will opt for
trains
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 over private vehicles.
Consequently
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,
such
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 efficient
trains
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 can significantly decrease pollutant levels, enhancing the air quality and mitigating the extensive spread of noxious gas
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
show examples
 on the street from private vehicles.
Conversely
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, despite the advantages of spending on
railways
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, those who disagree have their own viewpoints. The proponents of
this
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 argument believe that the
government
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 should invest in road infrastructure, as a pragmatic solution to alleviate traffic congestion is to expand the
roads
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.
For instance
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, wider
roads
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 can facilitate more individuals on the street, reducing the level of traffic congestion.
However
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, if the
government
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 constructs
roads
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 it will not automatically stop the traffic congestion, as there will be more and more cars occupying the
roads
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.
In addition
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, the investment needed is possibly more because the
government
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 has to clear the area to buy the land.
To conclude
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, I firmly agree that the
government
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 should allocate a tremendous amount of money towards railway development, as investing in
railways
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 poses notable benefits
such
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 as bolstering public
transportation
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 and declining levels of pollutants. I believe through spending on
railways
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, the
government
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 can establish a comprehensive public
transportation
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 system for its
people
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.
Submitted by rasendrya.hafiz on

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or data to strengthen arguments. While you mention urban cities and traffic congestion, giving exact instances or statistics can add credibility.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that transitions between paragraphs maintain a smooth flow by varying transitional phrases. You've used 'To commence' and 'Conversely' effectively; consider adding more varied connectors.
task achievement
The essay provides a strong introductory statement followed by a clear position, laying a solid foundation for the arguments.
task achievement
You effectively examine both sides of the argument which enhances the depth of your response.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is commendable with each paragraph building on the argument presented.
coherence cohesion
You have presented a well-rounded conclusion that reiterates your stance and provides a final perspective.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Carbon emissions
  • Mass transportation
  • Traffic congestion
  • Economic growth
  • Regional development
  • Initial investment
  • Feasibility
  • Flexibility
  • Rural areas
  • Integration
  • Sustainable
  • Efficiency
  • Infrastructure
  • Commuters
  • Public expenditure
  • Autonomous vehicles
  • Long-term investment
  • Accessibility
  • Connectivity
  • Modal shift
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