IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

More and more people are relying on the private car as their major means of transportation. Describe some of the problems overreliance on cars can cause, and suggest at least one possible solution.

#people #car #transportation #overreliance #cars
In contemporary society, the prevalence of private
cars
 as their primary mode of mobility is growing dramatically.
However
, though the excessive use of private
cars
 contributes to myriad issues, there are some solutions to alleviate them.
This
 essay will examine the problems caused by over-reliance on
cars
 and propose effective solutions.
To begin
 with, numerous factors contribute to why the excessive use of private
cars
 is detrimental to the environment and people’s health.
Firstly
, one major drawback is that the massive use of private
cars
 can considerably enhance the levels of
pollutants
, as private vehicles produce gas emissions, which are noxious for the environment.
Consequently
,
such
pollutants
 can worsen air quality, which may lead to a plethora of respiratory diseases, including asthma.
Additionally
, as more people drive private
cars
 on the street, it will significantly increase traffic congestion.
Therefore
,
such
 traffic congestion results in a negative impact on people’s psychology, as it leads to problems
such
 as stress, fatigue, and frustration.
Conversely
, despite the disadvantages of private
cars
, there are some practical solutions to cope with the problems. One instrumental action is for the government to promulgate policies that prohibit private vehicle owners from driving their vehicles at a certain time.
This
 effort aims to reduce the number of private
cars
 and lessen the levels of
pollutants
.
For instance
, the government can introduce a car-free day program during the weekend.
Moreover
, the government can build effective public transit systems for its residents and promote a campaign that fosters the utilization of public transportation.
Hence
, these actions can influence people to opt for public conveyance over private
cars
. To encapsulate,
although
 the proliferation of private
cars
 poses serious threats
such
 as
pollutants
 and mental health issues, imposing policies that restrict private
cars
 and promoting transport networks offer viable pathways toward sustainability. Through these efforts, I believe that we can pave the way for a more sustainable future.
Submitted by rasendrya.hafiz on

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task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples to support your claims. For instance, discuss specific cities that have implemented car-free programs effectively.
task achievement
Ensure that all points are fully developed with detailed explanations for a more comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
You effectively summarize the main points in your conclusion, providing a strong sense of closure.
task achievement
The essay thoroughly addresses the task by discussing both problems and solutions related to over-reliance on cars.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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