IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In the future, people may no longer be able to pay for things in shops using cash. All payments may have to be made by card or using phones. Do you think this will happen one day? why do you thinks some people might not be happy to give up using Cash?

#future #people #shops #cash #payments #card #phones
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Nowadays, we can observe the growth of electronic payments by using credit cards and smartphones. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe, that cash may disappear in the future. I totally agree with them. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I am going to explain the reasons for
this
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 forecast
as well as
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 to write about
people
Use synonyms
, who may not agree with
this
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 innovation. These days, payments without cash are becoming more and more comfortable.
People
Use synonyms
 just need to attach a credit card or smartphone to the terminal to make a purchase.
Also
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, modern payment systems increase security,
in other words
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, you do not need to carry a lot of traditional
money
Use synonyms
, which can be dangerous in some cases, to buy something expensive.
Moreover
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, during the Covid-19 pandemic governments asked
people
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 to
use
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 cards to avoid the virus. Despite these considered advantages, there are a lot of
people
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, who do not agree with
this
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 trend.
Firstly
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, for the old generation, who are not tech-savvy, it can be increasingly hard to start to
use
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 modern payment systems.
For instance
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, some seniors still
use
Use synonyms
 mobile phones without built-in chips, which can provide online payments, because they trust only traditional
money
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.
Secondly
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, some individuals like to
use
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 real
money
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. They feel positive emotions when they count
money
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 or spend it.
Finally
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, another group of
people
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 can feel how much
money
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 they are spending and it helps them to manage their budgets.
To conclude
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, modern payment systems have a lot of benefits, which would help them to replace cash
such
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 as convenience and security.
However
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, there are some groups of
people
Use synonyms
, who are not ready to change the usual order of things.
Submitted by d.i.kuprin on

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coherence cohesion
It's important to ensure the essay has a clear logical progression. Your main points are supported, but adding more specific examples and making transitions smoother would enhance coherence. Use varied linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments seamlessly.
task achievement
You've answered the task, but greater detail can be incorporated. Elaborate further on your ideas and examples to fully satisfy the requirements of the question. To improve, establish a stronger position in the introduction, give several detailed examples within your body paragraphs, and clearly restate your view in the conclusion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital payments
  • convenient
  • efficiency
  • reduce crime
  • tangibility
  • privacy
  • limited access to technology
  • job losses
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