IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Life has become much more stressful compared to our parent’s generation. As a result, stress-related illnesses are increasing around the world. Why is stress such widespread in the modern world and what do you think can be done to overcome the problems caused by stress? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

The current generation's lifestyle has induced
stress
Use synonyms
 in their life, increasing mental health-related illnesses and non-communicable diseases like heart attacks.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the causes of
stress
Use synonyms
 and how to control the
stress
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. On the one hand, each
person
Use synonyms
 creates
stress
Use synonyms
 for himself/herself.
Firstly
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, the kids are told, that to be successful you need to fill yourself with physical objects like expensive cars.
Secondly
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, current society treats every
person
Use synonyms
 by their appearance.
For example
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, a
person
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 wearing a $1000 suit will be treated like royalty
while
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 a
person
Use synonyms
 wearing a $100 suit will be neglected.
As a result
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 of
this
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, we tend to spend more than what we earn. We assume that we will receive the same income that we are receiving today or it may be increased. Based on our assumption we spend using loans and credit cards. But when the situation changes and our income goes below the current level we fail to fulfill our financial commitments, creating a problem
that is
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 hard to solve.
Furthermore
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this
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 problem without an answer will create unbearable
stress
Use synonyms
 on us.
On the other hand
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, our parents' generation saved money and they used that money to purchase items they needed not what they wanted.
Therefore
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 they did not have long-term financial commitments.
This
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 resulted in a
low-stressstress
Correct your spelling
low-stress and
 happy lifestyle.
For instance
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,
previous
Change the article
the previous
show examples
 generation did not need to have multiple jobs to pay the credit card bills, they had time to play with us. Learning from our parents, we can spend less and save more to ensure that we do not create
stress
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 for ourselves. Meditation, listening to soft music and spending time in a remote location, which is away from the fast-moving society will reduce
stress
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 levels and I have first-hand
experienced
Replace the word
experience
show examples
. We can turn our life into a satisfying and fulfilling experience, by reducing
stress
Use synonyms
 and taking a moment to enjoy it.

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task achievement
Consider providing a more defined thesis statement in the introduction. Clearly state the main points you will discuss in your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance the connection between ideas by using more linking phrases. This would improve the flow of your argument.
task achievement
Avoid stating assumptions that could lead to ambiguity. For instance, specify why you believe society's views on success have changed and how that impacts stress levels.
content
The essay addresses the topic and provides a thoughtful discussion on stress and its causes.
content
Ideas are relevant and demonstrate an understanding of the issues related to stress in modern life.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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