In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
In
this
contemporary world, more and more children Add a missing verb
are incline
incline
toReplace the word
inclined
employ
in rewarding jobs, Verb problem
work
for supporting
their Change preposition
to support
well-beings
'. Some people argue with Correct your spelling
well-being
this
statement, as in in
their ages they should study rather than Change preposition
at
work
, while
others insist that it is work
experience that can be useful in the future live
. In Verb problem
apply
this
essay, I am going to discuss both views, before getting my own opinion.
On the one hand, job
in the early years can provide a reputation, which is demanded, these days. AsAdd an article
a job
the job
,
they do Remove the comma
apply
work
, they would
know Wrong verb form
will
worth
of Add an article
the worth
money
, in the same Correct article usage
the money
way
they will gain and improve their Add the comma(s)
way,
work
experience. Young waiters, namely can enhance their communication skills and nagotiating ones, as during the orders they can interact with their visitors and boost their confidence while
interacting . Also
, they would be aware of human phycology
and marketing catches, as well. Which is Correct your spelling
psychology
extra
boost for their teenage years and adulthoodAdd an article
an extra
one
.
Correct pronoun usage
apply
However
, children in
Change preposition
at
their
young ages should study Correct pronoun usage
apply
by
hard and acquire knowledge, since when they are young their Change preposition
apply
brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
is
in Correct subject-verb agreement
are
the
period of development, where they should grasp new skills and resources Correct article usage
a
fast
, and Rephrase
quickly
reasonable
. Change the word
reasonably
While
being the future adults, their mind
would be mostly concentrated on working schedules, rather than studying. Fix the agreement mistake
minds
Additionally
, when children mostly spend their time on work
, it would hinder
their general thinking and IQ, as they simply cannot talk with others, compete, Wrong verb form
hinders
argue
. Correct word choice
or argue
With
Change preposition
In
another
Replace the adjective
another word
other words
words
they would not develop as Add a comma
words,
they
peers both in Correct pronoun usage
their
term
of knowledge and thinking.
In conclusion, despite the fact that devoting Fix the agreement mistake
terms
ones
early life Change noun form
one's
in
Change preposition
to
job
can offer experience and awareness of that field, I do believe that it would diminish their critical and general thinking.Correct article usage
a job
Submitted by halilova039 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or case studies to support the points made, especially when discussing real-life scenarios of children working.
coherence and cohesion
Work on enhancing coherence by ensuring each paragraph seamlessly transitions into the next with clear connectors or linking words.
language use
Pay attention to grammatical structures and vocabulary usage to maintain clarity and precision in conveying ideas.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument before concluding with a personal opinion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay includes an introduction and conclusion, adding to its overall coherence.
content development
The author does a good job of acknowledging the complexity of the issue by mentioning various factors like communication skills, confidence, and critical thinking.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.