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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Over recent years, mobile phones have become an indispensable tool in our daily lives. However, there are several problems such as social and medical which must not be ignored. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of mobile phones

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The issue of using cell
phones
Use synonyms
 has been a disputatious and contentious matter recently. It has been argued that the rapid advancement of technology has significantly transformed various aspects of our daily lives.
Therefore
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, I tend to believe that both the benefits and drawbacks need to be examined in depth. On the one hand, there are some main advantages of using mobile
phones
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.
Firstly
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, communication has become much more easier and comfortable, unlike in the past.
In other words
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, people can send a message or make a call in a
second,
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while
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 in the past they spent days and months just to send a letter.
Secondly
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, some teenagers use their
phones
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 for entertainment
such
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 as
to watch
Change the verb form
watching
show examples
 YouTube,
play
Wrong verb form
playing
show examples
 video games or
listen
Wrong verb form
listening
show examples
 to music.
However
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, others use them for education as it is transferred from face-to-face to online. To illustrate, students utilize their
phones
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 for doing research or getting new information for their school.
On the other hand
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, as the garden has weeds, certain disadvantages should be taken into consideration. The most evident one is addiction to cell
phones
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 causing health problems
such
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 as back pain, eye issues, and obesity
due to
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 spending too much time on the phone.
Furthermore
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, people who are not in a good mentality work less effectively and cause a lack of creativity. Not only that but some individuals
also
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 tend to be alone without talking to anyone leading to social issues
such
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 as disability to connect with friends and families
due to
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 their addiction. In conclusion , I point out that mobile
phones
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 play an integral role in our lives and there are numerous benefits and drawbacks of using them. In my point of view, I think that the merits outweigh the established demerits. I hope the government can raise awareness towards the hazards of using mobile
phones
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.

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task achievement
Introduce more balanced examples or more specific details to support each point, particularly for both advantages and disadvantages, to enhance the depth of analysis.
coherence cohesion
Make sure transitions between points or paragraphs are consistently clear to maintain smooth flow from one idea to another.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the task by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of mobile phones.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured with a clear introduction and conclusion, adhering to the standard essay format.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets up the discussion, and the conclusion nicely summarizes the main points.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Indispensable tool
  • Excessive use
  • Social media
  • Smartphones
  • Access to information
  • Emergency calls
  • GPS navigation
  • Addiction
  • Eye strain
  • Potential radiation exposure
  • Superficial interactions
  • Face-to-face communication
  • Personal safety
  • Prolonged use
  • Quality time
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