๐˜ผ๐™ก๐™ฉ๐™๐™ค๐™ช๐™œ๐™ ๐™›๐™–๐™ข๐™ž๐™ก๐™ฎ ๐™๐™–๐™จ ๐™– ๐™œ๐™ง๐™š๐™–๐™ฉ ๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™›๐™ก๐™ช๐™š๐™ฃ๐™˜๐™š ๐™ค๐™ฃ ๐™˜๐™๐™ž๐™ก๐™™๐™ง๐™š๐™ฃ'๐™จ ๐™ก๐™ž๐™›๐™š, ๐™ž๐™ฉ ๐™ž๐™จ ๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™›๐™ก๐™ช๐™š๐™ฃ๐™˜๐™š๐™จ ๐™›๐™ง๐™ค๐™ข ๐™ค๐™ช๐™ฉ๐™จ๐™ž๐™™๐™š ๐™ฉ๐™๐™š ๐™๐™ค๐™ข๐™š ๐™ฉ๐™๐™–๐™ฉ ๐™ฅ๐™ก๐™–๐™ฎ ๐™– ๐™—๐™ž๐™œ๐™œ๐™š๐™ง ๐™ฅ๐™–๐™ง๐™ฉ ๐™ž๐™ฃ ๐™ฉ๐™๐™š๐™ž๐™ง ๐™™๐™š๐™ซ๐™š๐™ก๐™ค๐™ฅ๐™ข๐™š๐™ฃ๐™ฉ. ๐™๐™ค ๐™ฌ๐™๐™–๐™ฉ ๐™š๐™ญ๐™ฉ๐™š๐™ฃ๐™ฉ ๐™™๐™ค ๐™ฎ๐™ค๐™ช ๐™–๐™œ๐™ง๐™š๐™š ๐™ค๐™ง ๐™™๐™ž๐™จ๐™–๐™œ๐™ง๐™š๐™š?

โœจ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the contemporary world, the virtue of advanced living standards has brought a major improvement in childrenโ€™s development, leading to a considerable debate about whether the
role
of external impacts or family importance, plays a more crucial
role
in a childโ€™s progression.
This
essay contends that
while
the family
role
is significant, outside factors play a vital
role
in shaping youngsterโ€™s growth and perspectives. Admittedly, advocates of the statement that family factors are more important may argue that a kid is not only perfectly nurtured with his parental love but
also
has an opportunity to be satisfied with his requirements.
First,
being closer to family might provide a child with the possible advantages of his parent's care and support. Some examples of
this
, particularly include the encouragement and valuable lessons that parents pass to their children once they have to deal with the sense of failures and mistakes, which leads to their constant confidence and improvement later on.
Second,
since having their family members by their sides, youngsters, potentially, have the chance to get some feasible provisions, especially from their parents to meet all of their conditions. To satisfy their beloved children, many parents are willing to splurge money or even generate several efforts to maintain their son's or daughtersโ€™ joyfulness.
Nevertheless
, despite the benefits above, the influences beyond family zones have a more pronounced effect on a childโ€™s growth.
To begin
with, facing outside troubles fosters a childโ€™s independence. it should be remembered that by only addressing the problems individually, a youngster enhances his problem-solving skills, leading to a future well-grounded individual.
Moreover
, given the advance of global connectivity and digital media, nowadaysโ€™s children can expand the horizons of their young minds, exposing them to a plethora of creativities. In Vietnam,
for instance
, childrenโ€™s early interactions with technology allow these kids to develop their interpersonal responses, promoting their intellectual development when they grow up. In conclusion, despite the ubiquity of family impacts, external influences remain the most preferred choice in terms of raising a well-developed citizen, especially in
this
interconnected world. Because of the given merits,
this
essay leans toward the importance of outside factors in shaping childrenโ€™s ability to adapt and thrive in the foreseeable future.
Submitted by hieu.ho on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this siteโ€™s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea, with subsequent sentences effectively demonstrating and supporting this idea to maintain coherence.
Coherence & Cohesion
It's important to vary the connectors used to maintain cohesion, avoiding repetition and thereby enhancing the readability of your essay.
Task Achievement
Stay closely aligned with the prompt, ensuring that every point made is relevant to the question asked. Your essay should directly address the extent of agreement or disagreement throughout.
Task Achievement
Incorporate a mix of complex structures and vocabulary while maintaining clarity over complex grammar constructions for a higher score.
Task Achievement
When providing examples, ensure they are specific, relevant and effectively illustrate the point being made to enhance Task Achievement.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • bilingual
  • multilingual
  • fluency
  • communicate
  • cognitive skills
  • cultural awareness
  • opportunities
  • globalized world
  • job market
  • interact
  • linguistic abilities
  • cultural exchange
  • language proficiency
  • language barrier
  • foreign travel
  • personal growth
  • academic achievement
  • self-confidence
  • enhance
  • cross-cultural communication
What to do next:
Look at other essays: