IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that universities should only offer places to students with high marks, while others believe that people of all ages should be allowed even if they don’t do well in school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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It is thought by some people that only pupils with top marks should be allowed to
study
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 at a tertiary level
while
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 others think
students
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 of any
age
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 should be allowed even if their performance is not the best in school. In my opinion, I agree with the former, but I will be discussing both views in
this
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 essay.
Firstly
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, I believe that
grades
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 are a representation of a student’s intellectual capabilities, discipline, and determination,
therefore
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, a learner with higher marks would have better thinking and management skills compared to a student with lower
grades
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.
Moreover
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,
students
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 that are excelling in school demonstrate their desire to pursue an education
in
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at
show examples
 university
due to
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 the competitiveness of getting an offer.
For example
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, a student that has top
grades
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 in school would be academically inclined and would be hardworking, which are qualities required to
study
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 at a higher level compared to their peers, who may not possess these attributes.
In contrast
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, regardless of
age
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, not all pupils are academically proficient.
This
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 may be a result of a lack of maturity
due to
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 young
age
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 as most juveniles do not have the ability to understand concepts fully and revise efficiently. Without these crucial traits,
students
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 may not be able to strive at a level of higher education.
For example
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, an older learner would be able to
study
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 more effectively and understand notions better
due to
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 years of experience compared to a pupil of a younger
age
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, making them a better asset for universities. In conclusion, I do not think that
students
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 of any
age
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 should be able to
study
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 at university
due to
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 their lack of maturity and experience.
Therefore
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, I believe that only
students
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 with high marks should be offered to
study
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 at universities
due to
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 their capabilities showcased through their
grades
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, making them an asset to the institution.

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task achievement
To enhance the Task Achievement, try including more relevant and specific examples. These can strengthen your argument and provide clearer evidence for your points.
task achievement
In the body paragraphs, make sure your ideas are comprehensively presented. Though the argument is generally clear, expanding on points with additional details can improve understanding, especially when noting distinctions between different students' capacities.
coherence cohesion
To improve Coherence and Cohesion, consider varying the transitions between paragraphs. More varied linking words and devices can help the essay flow even smoother.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which nicely frame the argument and provide a clear structure.
task achievement
The essay presents both views of the argument in a balanced manner before providing your opinion, which is essential for task completion.
task achievement
Your use of examples to illustrate points is effective in several instances, demonstrating good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay displays a logical progression of ideas overall, which makes your argumentation easy to follow.
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