IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that international sporting events are the ideal opportunity to show the world the qualities of the hosting nation. Others believe that these events are mainly a large unjustifiable expense. To what extebt do you agree or disagree?

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International sporting events have always been a matter of debate, with some arguing that they provide an excellent platform to exhibit a hosting nation's qualities,
while
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 others contend that they are simply a colossal and unjustifiable event . It is my contention that depending on the
countries
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' background, the payback of arranging
such
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 massive sports organizations can vary significantly. First and foremost, in the contemporary
world
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, a majority of
countries
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 aspire to be able to host an international athletics tournament with a whim to attract global attention to their
countries
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. To exemplify
this
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 statement, economically advantageous
countries
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such
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 as Saudi Arabia and the United Arab Emirates were competing for a right to hold the next FIFA
World
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 Football Cup, to showcase their commitment towards elevated modernity, infrastructural development and human rights.
Furthermore
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, since these international activities are being pursued by millions of followers and fans from all across the
world
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, the host
countries
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 will have a chance to advertise the beauty of their country by promoting their cultural and societal norms.
Consequently
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, these
countries
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 begin to turn into tourist hubs in the following years,
thus
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, generating a considerable amount of revenue.
On the contrary
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 side, history is full of occasions when
countries
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 with ambitious plans and monetary resources that used to be conceived as infinite were bankrupted and underwent a massive devaluation
due to
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 the massive failures of their plans to curry favour with the international communities. One
such
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 example occurred in 2008
,
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apply
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 when the Greek government had to terminate the
World
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 Olympic Games, attributable to a financial crisis caused by exorbitant purchases and budget overruns prior to
this
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 event. Greece's economy has not yet thoroughly recovered from
this
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 loss, resulting in residents losing their jobs and houses.
Moreover
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, presently, a majority of oil-rich
countries
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 competing with each other to win the game-host awards just in an attempt to create a positive portrayal representing the true colours of their
countries
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. Despite the tremendous amount of effort and finance put into
this
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 work, viewers may not find these sports events captivating enough. In conclusion, holding an internationally renowned sporting event has always been a multifaceted phenomenon with both positive and negative implications.

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Task Achievement
Try to make a clear stand in your introduction about your stance to guide the reader through your discussion.
Task Achievement
For an even stronger essay, aim to develop your conclusion further, summarizing your key points more comprehensively.
Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance cohesion, consider using a wider range of linking devices to better connect ideas and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
The essay provides a balanced view by presenting both sides of the argument effectively.
Task Achievement
Specific examples, such as the reference to Greece's economic downturn post-Olympics, are effectively used to substantiate the argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay has a good logical structure, making your arguments easy to follow.
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