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Band 7.5

Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 per cent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. To what extent do you agree?

#positions #companies #men #workforce #countries #cent #percentage #women
Lots of high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workplace in plenty of developed nations is more than 50 per cent female. In my opinion, companies ought to allocate these positions to a person who deserves to obtain it even if the person is female, because some
women
 are hard workers to be well-paid, and many men are lazy officials.
Firstly
, a lot of
women
 work most of the day to get money for their family and children and some do have insufficient money to pay for bills or food and work with the hope of getting a higher position.
In contrast
, many argue that men really need to have
this
 position owing to that males always pay for the family.
However
, there are
women
 who
also
 purchase for their offspring. To illustrate, a wife has children, but her husband dies,
therefore
, she needs to feed her adolescents.
Additionally
, a plethora of leaders who are lazy and do not work
as well as
 many females who do all their duties.
On the contrary
, half argue that
women
 are not brave enough to make decisions and risks as males.
On the other hand
, a plethora of courses teaches how to address issues and make the right decision.
For instance
, a female who does not do public speech and is worried most of the time is not as superior as a female who is well-studied and has high qualifications.
To conclude
, irrespective of the high potential of some males to be officials,
women
 can be more practical than them in
this
.
Submitted by bajahzar90 on

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task achievement
Consider providing a more balanced view. Acknowledge counterarguments in your essay to better address all aspects of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Work on maintaining a clear and logical structure throughout the essay. This will help readers follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
Make sure to fully develop your main points with more specific examples and detailed explanations.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively introduces the topic and clearly states your position on the issue.
introduction conclusion present
You included a conclusion that summarizes your viewpoint effectively.
logical structure
The essay contains some logical sequencing of ideas, which helps the reader understand your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Gender diversity
  • Affirmative action
  • Meritocracy
  • Quotas
  • Glass ceiling
  • Legal enforcement
  • Tokenism
  • Voluntary measures
  • Career progression
  • Representation
  • Workforce parity
  • Backlash
  • Historical imbalances
  • Corporate governance
  • Inclusive practices
  • Boardroom dynamics
  • Gender norms
  • Unconscious bias
  • Regulatory frameworks
  • Corporate ladder
What to do next:
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