Childood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia as many as two thirds of children are now obese. Schools have a responsilbility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extend do you agree to this statement?
#childood #obesity #australia #two #thirds #children #schools #responsilbility #students #amount #exercise
Disagree
Genetic play
role
Parents
have the
heavy Correct article usage
a
responsibility
Children
Change noun form
Children's
obesity
strat to be
a global pandemic day by day, particularly in Australia more than Verb problem
is becoming
two third
of Correct your spelling
two-thirds
children
are suffering from obesity
. However
, some people believe that it is totally Correct article usage
the school
school
Change noun form
school's
responsibility
to reduce this
phenomenon by checking children
nutrition and exercise.In my opinion, school play a sight Change noun form
children's
role
to overcome
Change preposition
in overcoming
this
issue
however
there is
a several factors Verb problem
apply
Correct pronoun usage
that contributed
contributed
to Wrong verb form
contribute
obesity
.
To begin
with, genetic disorder
play a significant Fix the agreement mistake
disorders
role
in obesity
issue
. Moreover
, many hormonal disease
Change to a plural noun
diseases
such
as diabetes enhance the ability and the chance to increase children
weight. Change noun form
children's
However
, the
gene problems decrease Correct article usage
apply
children
metabolic rate even though under Change noun form
children's
healthy
diet. Correct article usage
a healthy
Therefore
, genetic disease
have a crucial effect Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
in
overweight people.
Change preposition
on
On the other hand
, parents
have Correct article usage
a fundemintal
fundemintal
impact on Correct your spelling
fundamental
children
Change noun form
children's
obesity
issue
.To explain, Fix the agreement mistake
issues
children
spend more time at home with their household and parents
, especially in
Change preposition
on
vacation
and weekends. Fix the agreement mistake
vacations
Furthermore
, parents
have the major responsibility
on
Change preposition
for
children
feeding Change noun form
children's
sechule
and fitness level.Correct your spelling
schedule
In addition
, children
can absorb unhealthy eating habits and sedentary lifestyle
from their Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
parents
and older sibling
.
Fix the agreement mistake
siblings
To conclude
, obesity
it
is a multifactorial Correct pronoun usage
apply
issue
and there is
various Change the verb form
are
resoun
effects Correct your spelling
reasons
the
increasing of overweight Change preposition
of the
children
. Therefore
, it not
only Add a missing verb
is not
Correct article usage
the school
school
Change noun form
school's
responsibility
due to
the genetic effect on children
health and Change noun form
children's
parents
play the majors
Change the noun form
major
role
.Submitted by rahafalkhashti7 on
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grammar lexis
Use consistent verb tenses and ensure subject-verb agreement throughout the essay to improve grammatical accuracy.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or cases to strengthen your arguments and support your main points.
task achievement
Ensure your main ideas are developed with clear explanations and logic, avoiding vague statements.
coherence cohesion
Create smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs to enhance the logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
You clearly state your position at the beginning of the essay, providing an overview of what your arguments will be.
coherence cohesion
The essay is organized with distinct paragraphs, each addressing different aspects of the topic.
task achievement
You correctly identify multiple factors contributing to childhood obesity, which adds depth to your analysis.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.