IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages?

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Some university
students
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 prefer to pursue studying in their country,
however
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, others opt to attend school in other nations. I believe that studying abroad provides more positive benefits than its drawbacks. One of the negative effects on
students
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 who leave their country to learn is the inevitable homesickness. Most importantly, if the student is not used to being away from family for a prolonged time.
For instance
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, a schooler who went away to Canada to continue an educational career, it is undeniable that there will be days wherein they just want to go back home and be with their loved ones.
Therefore
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,
this
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 may affect their ability to focus more on their study.
Conversely
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, living away from loved ones will teach the
students
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 independence and self-reliance.
As a result
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 of not being able to rely on someone, their only option is to do things on their own without the help of others. Needs
such
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 as preparing their school uniforms and cooking meals
as well as
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 managing their time
accordingly
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.
Thus
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, staying alone in another place will let them trust themselves and be independent.
In addition
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 to that,
this
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 will serve as an eye-opening event for cultural differences for each university student. As they face new environments
,
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apply
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 and interact with people of different nationalities, schoolers will be knowledgeable about cultural diversities.
For example
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, learners attending schools with random classmates from various countries and being friends with them becomes a bridge for the
students
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 to become familiar with other's beliefs. In conclusion, it is understandable that moving away from home to study leads to emotional instability
such
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 as feeling down and the eagerness to go back home.
However
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, I believe that it will give more opportunities to college
students
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, especially in personal and career growth.

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task response
Ensure that your essay directly addresses each part of the question. Your essay should clearly present a position, and this position should be consistently supported throughout.
coherence
Try to expand your introduction to clearly outline your position. The conclusion should succinctly summarize your main points and reiterate your stance.
cohesion
Each paragraph should focus on a single idea or set of directly related ideas. Ensure smooth transitions between points for better flow.
introduction
The essay begins with a clear introduction, providing a strong indication of the writer's position.
logical structure
Main points are logically structured, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument.
support examples
The use of specific examples to illustrate points enhances the argument's clarity and persuasiveness.
conclusion
Conclusion is precise, effectively summarizing the presented arguments and reinforcing the writer's position.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • finance management
  • exposure
  • broaden horizons
  • open-minded
  • adaptability
  • conducive environment
  • isolation
  • homesickness
  • financial burden
  • household duties
  • academic responsibilities
  • personal growth
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