IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Modern technology is creating a single world culture. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

#technology #world #culture #support
The technology is connecting the globe at a rapid pace to communicate with each other. The advances are not only accelerating developments but
also
 moving towards unifying cultures to create a fusion. In
this
 essay, I will discuss a few important reasons with specific examples and will express whether I agree or disagree with the statement. On one hand,technology travels beyond borders to connect all of us
while
 staying in the comfort of our homes.
For example
, social media websites
such
 as Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat are designed to share global cuisine, medicine, events, and beliefs which could help others to understand the point of view about life and benefit from them, if they find it helpful to solve a lot of issues.
In addition
, new research topics could emerge to solve problems that are still waiting to be resolved
due to
 missing connections in cultures. The connected world sparks a new era of connectivity that solves the problem of humanity by connecting us all as humans.
On the other hand
, the information arising out of freedom of choice will not have any verification which could lead to disinformation that could lead to misperception and polarization of different ethnic groups leading to conflicts.
For instance
, artificial intelligence-generated content which might look real but could be totally erroneous might lead to cultural shocks and psychological issues in adults and children when exposed without prior knowledge. Even though,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cultural unification could happen over a long time the short-term outcomes will be full of friction
due to
 novelty issues during exposure. In conclusion, I partially agree with the statement that the connection between cultures through technology is a great way to introduce proper verification must be needed to ensure they fuse with minimal friction for global peace.
Submitted by onlineconsumer on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph consistently aligns with the central argument of the essay. Your writing would benefit from slightly clearer divisions between major points, to enhance clarity for the reader.
task achievement
Be cautious about repetition. Occasionally, similar ideas appear in different sections, which might make the argument less compelling. Consider refining your main points further to ensure each is distinct and adds new information
coherence cohesion
The essay has a well-defined introduction and conclusion, which nicely frame your argument.
task achievement
You have effectively used specific examples, such as referencing social media, which enhances the relevance of your points.
coherence cohesion
The sentence structure is varied, and vocabulary usage is generally sophisticated, providing a strong foundation for your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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