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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that the fictional violence portrayed on television is harmless entertainment. Others disagree and think that it encourages violent behaviour. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #violence #television #entertainment #behaviour
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In recent years,
films
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 or series directors have deliberately filmed some violent
scenes
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 in order to make viewers enjoy watching their
films
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. Some
people
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 argue that because they think these
scenes
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 encourage violent
behaviour
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,
while
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 others say that horror and action
movies
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 should have these
scenes
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 because they keep an audience engaged deeply with a film without boring. I believe that
this
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 fictional
violence
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 portrayed on TV is harmful and encourages violent
behaviour
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, especially for
children
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. On the one hand, the depiction of fictional
violence
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 is an essential part of some movie promotion
due to
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 most
people
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 prefer these
films
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. These
movies
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 with violent
scenes
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 give the viewer
scenes
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 of entertainment and enjoyment, at the same time they know these fictional violent
scenes
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 are unrealistic and they just enjoy it.
For example
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, in 2021, the Batman movie got the highest viewership in the UK,
people
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 and
children
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 were watching know that there were unrealistic things
such
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 as his car had weapons or he was flying around the city, despite knowing humans can not fly.
However
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, all these violent
scenes
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 have firearms or guns only for fun and entertainment. From my point of view,
this
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 kind of scene unconsciously has a negative effect on
children
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’s
behaviour
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 , even if it is just for fun.
On the other hand
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,
films
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 and series have violent
scenes
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 are pose a threat to the child’s mentality,
thus
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 the child becomes more violent, nervous and angry with his peers and parents owing to these
movies
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.
Moreover
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, psychology studies demonstrate that
children
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 imitate everything they see and are quickly affected by it.
For instance
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, violent
movies
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consequently
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 have a huge impact on
children
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’s personalities, attitudes and
behaviour
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, which might have these
scenes
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 stuck in their minds for a long time. From my perspective, parents ought to be more careful about what their kids watch on television or YouTube because it can impact them negatively. In conclusion, recently fictional
violence
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scenes
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 are important to make entertaining
films
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 because
people
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 are interested in watching
this
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 exciting film. Others think that
films
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 have violent
scenes
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 that are dangerous for
children
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 and
people
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’s
behaviour
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 as well.
However
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, in my opinion,
children
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 should be never allowed to watch
movies
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 promoting
violence
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 because it has bad effects on their emotions and psychological.
Submitted by ghazl.1998g on

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coherence cohesion
Try to clearly separate different points of view in your essay and ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that ties back to the central argument of that paragraph.
task response
It might be helpful to provide more diverse examples and further elaborate on them to strongly connect with your assertions and arguments. Examples should directly support your main points.
coherence cohesion
The essay introduction clearly outlines both perspectives on the topic and provides a personal opinion, which sets the stage for a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the writer's stance, reiterating the key message of the essay.
task response
The essay covers both views as required by the task and offers a personal opinion, fulfilling the task response criteria.
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