Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #time #education #years

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While

is widely believe

Change the verb form

is widely believed

show examples

that young people should attend

Change preposition

apply

show examples

a full-time

education

course up to at least 18 years old in order to cultivate the essential

knowledges

Change the wording

knowledge

pieces of knowledge

bits of knowledge

show examples

efficiently, others argue that

this

only

Add a missing verb

is only

show examples

possible if the family

were

Wrong verb form

show examples

financially stable.

Hence

, I personally support the former statement as it can

results

Wrong verb form

result

show examples

in several positive effects

along

Change preposition

apply

show examples

with importance of the government

to accompanied

Verb problem

accompanying

show examples

this

scheme will be discussed

further

this

essay.

To begin

with, it

seem

Change the verb form

seems

show examples

sensible for many people to claim that it sounds impossible for all

children

to dedicate themselves

for

Change preposition

show examples

study till the age of 18, especially those who are from

low income

Add a hyphen

low-income

show examples

family

Fix the agreement mistake

families

show examples

This

possibly

Replace the adverb

possible

show examples

because

education

can be costly in some countries

that

Correct word choice

and

show examples

some

family

Fix the agreement mistake

families

show examples

barely

survived

Wrong verb form

survive

show examples

with

small

Correct article usage

the small

show examples

figures they

made

Wrong verb form

make

show examples

. Take Thailand,

for example

; there are a number of students who left out of the

education

system prior

the

Change preposition

to the

show examples

age of 18

due to

lack of monetary support from their parents and

sometime

Replace the word

sometimes

show examples

they have to work at a young age in order to compensate for their household bills.

However

, I strongly agree with the claim that

support

Change the verb form

supports

show examples

18-years

Correct word choice

18-year

show examples

curriculum for

children

seeing that

this

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

not only

benefit

Correct subject-verb agreement

benefits

show examples

them academically but

also

allow

Correct subject-verb agreement

allows

show examples

them to appreciate their youth. At

this

ages

Fix the agreement mistake

age

show examples

, it is the time for them to obtain

knowledges

Change the wording

knowledge

pieces of knowledge

bits of knowledge

show examples

from vital subjects till

highschool

Correct your spelling

high school

show examples

Thus

, educational expenses can be

burden

Add an article

a burden

show examples

for some family,

that

Correct pronoun usage

which

show examples

is why the government play

crucial

Add an article

a crucial

show examples

role in improving the quality of life of their citizen

especially

Add the comma(s)

, especially

show examples

their future

working force

Correct your spelling

workforce

show examples

. In summary,

although

it is undeniable that lots of

children

across the globe

were

Wrong verb form

are

show examples

unable to

persue

Correct your spelling

pursue

this

mandatory course of

education

due to

the need

Change preposition

for

show examples

financial survival, I am of the opinion that the government must tackle

this

problem

as well as

parent

Fix the agreement mistake

parents

show examples

in order to provide long-term valuable for

children

both academics and their life.

Submitted by kamonluck1999 on Tue Oct 15 2024

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Task Achievement

Your introduction outlines both sides of the argument, which is good. However, try to make your thesis (your stance) clearer and more straightforward.

Coherence and Cohesion

Work on making your ideas clearer and more organized. You have good points, but sometimes they are not expressed clearly or logically. Consider using linking words to connect your ideas better.

Task Achievement

Include more specific examples or data to back up your points, especially when discussing the role of the government.

Task Achievement

You understand the complexity of the topic and attempt to discuss both sides of an argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your essay has both an introduction and a conclusion, which shows a good structure.

14
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
37
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

317 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

fundamental cornerstone
literacy and numeracy
social inequalities
foundation of knowledge
social mobility
informed and engaged citizenry
democratic processes
youth crime rates
productive activities
vocational training
workforce
stifling individual talent
economic contribution
stress and mental health issues
unsuitable educational system
one-size-fits-all approach
diverse talents
career paths
formal academic education
financial strains
low-income countries
improving quality of education

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Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It has been proved that smoking kills. In some countries it has been made illegal for people to smoke in public places except in certain areas. All countries should make these rules. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people believe that social networking sites have a considerably detrimental effect on individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people in poor countries die from diseases that are curable because they cannot afford the medication required. Do you believe that drug companies should make their products available at reduced prices in these countries?

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

n numerous nations, there is a growing trend for individuals to frequently discuss financial matters, such as their earnings or expenditures, in everyday conversation. What are the reasons behind this phenomenon? Is it advantageous or detrimental?