Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

While

it

is widely believe

Change the verb form

is widely believed

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that young people should attend

to

Change preposition

apply

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a full-time

education

course up to at least 18 years old in order to cultivate the essential

knowledges

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knowledge

pieces of knowledge

bits of knowledge

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efficiently, others argue that

this

only

Add a missing verb

is only

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possible if the family

were

Wrong verb form

is

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financially stable.

Hence

, I personally support the former statement as it can

results

Wrong verb form

result

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in several positive effects

along

Change preposition

apply

show examples

with importance of the government

to accompanied

Verb problem

accompanying

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this

scheme will be discussed

further

in

this

essay.

To begin

with, it

seem

Change the verb form

seems

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sensible for many people to claim that it sounds impossible for all

children

to dedicate themselves

for

Change preposition

to

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study till the age of 18, especially those who are from

low income

Add a hyphen

low-income

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family

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families

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.

This

is

possibly

Replace the adverb

possible

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because

education

can be costly in some countries

that

Correct word choice

and

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some

family

Fix the agreement mistake

families

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barely

survived

Wrong verb form

survive

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with

small

Correct article usage

the small

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figures they

made

Wrong verb form

make

show examples

. Take Thailand,

for example

; there are a number of students who left out of the

education

system prior

the

Change preposition

to the

show examples

age of 18

due to

lack of monetary support from their parents and

sometime

Replace the word

sometimes

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they have to work at a young age in order to compensate for their household bills.

However

, I strongly agree with the claim that

support

Change the verb form

supports

show examples

an

18-years

Correct word choice

18-year

show examples

curriculum for

children

seeing that

this

is

Unnecessary verb

apply

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not only

benefit

Correct subject-verb agreement

benefits

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them academically but

also

allow

Correct subject-verb agreement

allows

show examples

them to appreciate their youth. At

this

ages

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age

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, it is the time for them to obtain

knowledges

Change the wording

knowledge

pieces of knowledge

bits of knowledge

show examples

from vital subjects till

highschool

Correct your spelling

high school

show examples

.

Thus

, educational expenses can be

burden

Add an article

a burden

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for some family,

that

Correct pronoun usage

which

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is why the government play

crucial

Add an article

a crucial

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role in improving the quality of life of their citizen

especially

Add the comma(s)

, especially

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their future

working force

Correct your spelling

workforce

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. In summary,

although

it is undeniable that lots of

children

across the globe

were

Wrong verb form

are

show examples

unable to

persue

Correct your spelling

pursue

this

mandatory course of

education

due to

the need

of

Change preposition

for

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financial survival, I am of the opinion that the government must tackle

this

problem

as well as

parent

Fix the agreement mistake

parents

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in order to provide long-term valuable for

children

both academics and their life.