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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some prents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys ?

#prents #children #toys #child
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These days, most
parents
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 have either one or two
children
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, so we can see these
children
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 have a
lot
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 of
toys
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 that
parents
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 buy for them.
While
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 too many devices for playing have benefits, I still believe that cannot overshadow the demerits. On the one hand, having a number of
toys
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 has several merits. On the one side, the young generations have a range of choices for playing ;
therefore
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, they can spend all their time with them without any problems for their
parents
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 owing to the fact that the figures of their pastimes are a
lot
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. On the other side, if families have guests who have
children
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, all the kids might be playing games without fighting about the
toys
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;
besides
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, the number of playing tools is so many.
On the other hand
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, the drawbacks of a majority of
toys
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 are varied.
Firstly
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, when
children
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 have a
lot
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 of different playing gadgets that they like, they will have all the items that they like in the future; in fact, in the future,
parents
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 should buy a
lot
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 of costly devices for them.
Secondly
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, these types of
children
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 most of the time are in the houses and do not spend a great deal of time with other people;
hence
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, their social behaviours are not improved ;
moreover
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, they have some matters in interaction with communities when they become older.
To sum up
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, buying a
lot
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 of
toys
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 has some good points, yet in my opinion, it cannot eclipse the bad points on account of the future of
children
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 is more necessary than their childhood.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. This will make your argument stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas more logically and clearly, ensuring each paragraph flows smoothly into the next.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear, setting the stage and summarizing your points effectively.
task achievement
You've identified both advantages and disadvantages clearly, showing a balanced approach to the question.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • creativity
  • stimulate
  • imagination
  • creative play
  • motor skills
  • problem-solving
  • independent play
  • self-sufficient
  • overwhelm
  • deep engagement
  • appreciation
  • value
  • scarcity
  • social interaction
  • social development
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