Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think is a positive or negative development?
With the advancement of technology, young people use their spare
time
by using mobile devices. There are many reasons behind this
condition, at the same time
, both positive and negative impacts exist. In my perspective, the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.
To begin
with, the majority of children are using mobile phones in their free time
almost every day. One of the main reasons for this
is that technology utilization saw significant growth in many industries such
as the manufacturing of smartphones, tablets, computers, and electronic devices at affordable prices. This
is leading to an enhanced desire for people to own a smartphone, where they can watch not only a lot of video clips through social media platforms but also
play games by installing gaming applications.
On the one hand, a wide range of positive developments may be caused by using smartphones. It is likely to improve children’s creativity and problem-solving skills by playing visual games. In addition
, they can gain knowledge about their specific interests either in education or in sports by watching influencers' vlogs, which can be seen on TikTok. Moreover
, familiarity with technology is subsequently
beneficial for young people as they can apply this
insight in their potential careers or future. On the other hand
, many drawbacks can be raised in both physical and mental health problems. Spending too much time
on screens causes physical health issues, particularly, poor eyesight, meanwhile, it creates a sedentary lifestyle, which may hinder to do many outdoor activities. Furthermore
, isolated children prefer playing games inside rather than hanging out with their friends, which offers negative development , particularly, in communication skills. This
is because the fear of strangers possibly encourages them to avoid meeting with friends, which makes them be
more isolated kids.
In conclusion, after consideration of the reasons and impacts, I believe that the drawbacks of Unnecessary verb
apply
this
case will be greater than the benefits for each young person for now and for their future.Submitted by mamamonkey45 on
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coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to enhance the flow of arguments.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or statistics to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Try to balance the discussion of the positive and negative impacts more evenly.
coherence and cohesion
The essay provides a clear and comprehensive introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
coherence and cohesion
Main points are supported with explanations, showing a good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The task is addressed effectively with a complete response to both parts of the question.