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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people nowadays use public transport for travelling. Is this a positive or negative development?

It is an undeniable fact that the
use
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 of public transport is getting popular nowadays.
Although
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,
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apply
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 some people might consider it negative, I believe it is extremely beneficial not only because it reduces the traffic on roads and reduces the environmental pollution but
also
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 because of its potential for economic
development
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.
This
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 essay will explore how these factors make
this
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development
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 a positive one.
To begin
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 with, one of the major merits associated with
this
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development
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 is the reduction of motor
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vehicles
Change the noun form
vehicle
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 traffic. The
use
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 of public
vehicles
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,
due to
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 the advancement of technology of transportation, declines the
use
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 of personal cars or bikes for travel to work or school.
For instance
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, in China, a few years ago,
due to
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 the extensive
use
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 of cars, the community faced a blockage of the road for almost 2 days, after that their government spent a huge budget on public transport for their locals, to overcome
this
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 obstacle.
Thus
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,
this
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 factor can almost single-handedly express the pros of
this
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 advancement.
Furthermore
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, an additional leading benefit of
this
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development
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 is less production of air pollution.As many
vehicles
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 run on the road, as much carbon dioxide is produced which pollutes the environment. To illustrate, in many developing countries, people tend to
use
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 metros for their daily travel, which leads
a
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to a
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pure atmosphere.
Moreover
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, using buses is
also
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 the best and cheapest way to overcome any polluted air challenge.
Hence
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,
this
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 factor clearly overshadows any drawback of
this
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development
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.
In addition
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. another considerable privilege of
this
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development
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 is the potential for economic
development
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 that definitely drops the
use
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 of fossil fuels. In those regions , that buy oil and gasoline from other countries, less
use
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 of
vehicles
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 reduces the need for these finite resources.
To conclude
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, I believe
this
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development
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 is a positive one , not only in terms of less air pollution and reduced traffic but
also
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due to
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 the fact of economic growth.

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coherence cohesion
To improve, consider tightening the structure of your essay. The points you made are very relevant, but the flow between them could be smoother.
task achievement
Pay attention to minor grammatical mistakes and sentence structure to make your argument even clearer. For example, ensure proper space after punctuation marks and avoid fragment sentences.
task achievement
Try to elaborate a bit more on your examples to make them stronger and more vivid. Adding more specific details can help make your points even more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is clearly structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is great.
task achievement
The main points you made are well-supported by relevant examples, making your arguments stronger.
task achievement
You addressed the topic directly and provided a complete response, covering multiple aspects of the issue.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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