In the 30 years the world has seen an increase in immigration. Many people point out the benefits of this, whereas others believe the negatives outweigh the positives. Discuss both of these viewpoints and give your own opinions.

#years #world #immigration #people #point #negatives #positives #viewpoints

In the past 30 years, the world has experienced an increase in immigration. Many

people

believe that it is beneficial,

while

others believe that the drawbacks outweigh the benefits. I personally believe that

while

immigration is responsible for forgetting the

traditions

of the immigrants, it actually brings improvements in the lives of immigrants. To start with,

people

generally migrate to another

country

for the improvements in their lives. Migrating to a different city helps

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

people

to to utilize their full

potentials

Fix the agreement mistake

potential

show examples

. They start a new life when they migrate to a different

country

. They explore better

opportunities

such

as education, employment, entertainment, and safety.

For example

, many

people

migrate to Australia as students, and they migrate to build a better career compared to their home

country

Therefore

, I personally believe that migrating to another

country

worthy

Replace the word

worthwhile

show examples

. Migrating to a different

country

makes the migrants

forgetting

Wrong verb form

forget

show examples

their own

traditions

. When migrants move to different countries, there are

less

Change the quantifier

fewer

show examples

chances to follow their own native

cultures

and

traditions

Therefore

, migrants forget their own

cultures

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and follow the

cultures

of the new

country

For example

, around 65% of Indians believe that they do not get

much

Change the quantifier

many

show examples

opportunities

to celebrate their own

cultures

and

traditions

in the new

country

However

, I firmly believe that migrating to a new

country

is useful because

people

explore a lot of

opportunities

here. In conclusion,

people

believe that migrating to not helpful because

people

miss following their

cultures

and

traditions

However

, I feel that it is useful because

people

get a lot of

opportunities

to explore to change their lives.

Submitted by rahman_rehana on Tue Oct 15 2024

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task response

Ensure that your argument addresses both positive and negative aspects of immigration more equally. Expand on the drawbacks discussion to provide a more balanced view.

coherence cohesion

Enhance the logical flow by using more cohesive devices or linking words to connect ideas smoother between sentences and paragraphs.

task response

Provide more varied and specific examples to support your points, which will add depth to your arguments and make them more convincing.

coherence cohesion

The essay offers a clear structure with an introduction and conclusion that summarize the essay's main arguments well.

task response

The response maintains focus on the topic of immigration and its effects, ensuring the task is addressed directly.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

264 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In the 30 years the world has seen an increase in immigration. Many people point out the benefits of this, whereas others believe the negatives outweigh the positives. Discuss both of these viewpoints and give your own opinions.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent to do you agree?

Some people believe that it is good for a country's culture to import foreign movies and TV programmes. Others think that it is better to produce these locally. Discuss both views and give your opion.