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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

It is important for children to learn the differences between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children?

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There is ongoing debate about whether
children
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 should be punished to help them distinguish between right and wrong behaviour.
While
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 punishment may appear to be an easy method of teaching, I strongly believe that engaging in open conversations is a far more effective way to shape their character.
Firstly
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, physical punishment has been a traditional approach to disciplining
children
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.
Although
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 it was commonly practised by older generations, its long-term effects are often more damaging as
children
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 grow older. Punishments
such
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 as smacking, pinching, or confining
children
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 may result in immediate compliance, but they generally fail to help them understand the error of their ways.
Furthermore
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, these actions can create lasting trauma and instil a deep-seated fear of failure or making mistakes.
For example
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,
children
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 who are consistently punished for poor exam performance may become hesitant to take risks in the future.
As a result
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, a more mindful approach should be adopted when teaching
children
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 how to behave. A method based on two-way communication is a much better alternative, as it helps
children
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 recognise their mistakes with fewer negative consequences. Parents and teachers can have open discussions, encouraging self-reflection and guiding
children
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 to understand the potential consequences of continuing negative behaviour.
For instance
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,
instead
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 of confiscating toys, parents should explain how playing during study time might affect their success in exams. In conclusion,
while
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 traditional punishment may seem convenient, a more communicative approach is preferable when disciplining
children
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. It promotes active reflection between
children
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 and their educators, allowing them to become more aware of their actions. Self-guided reflection, supported by both parents and teachers, should become the norm in education to nurture a generation that fully understands the consequences of their behaviour.

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task achievement
The essay should provide additional examples or extend its ideas to show the full implications and significance of a communicative approach over traditional punishment techniques.
coherence cohesion
Try to use even more sophisticated linking devices for a seamless transition between ideas.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction is clear and sets the stage for the argument against physical punishment.
task achievement
The essay effectively uses examples, like the impact of physical punishment on exam performance, to illustrate points.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion neatly wraps up the argument, reinforcing the preference for communication-based discipline.
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