IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries, it is mandatory for school children to wear uniforms. Do the advantages of this policy outweigh the disadvantage?

#countries #school #children #uniforms #policy
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There seems to be a debatable issue in which
school
Use synonyms
uniforms
Use synonyms
 ought to be compulsory for
students
Use synonyms
 in more nations. Obliging
students
Use synonyms
 to put on
uniforms
Use synonyms
 could bring an array of tangible merits to parents and
students
Use synonyms
 no matter how skeptical others feel. Now, I will make the issue clear in order to arrive at the
last
Linking Words
 but not least conclusion. First and foremost, different classes of society insist that obliging
students
Use synonyms
 to wear
uniforms
Use synonyms
 restricts their right to choose.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, it is better to take into account discrimination among
students
Use synonyms
. Particularly, more and more children are becoming victims of bullying in
school
Use synonyms
 zones. If educational spheres made
uniforms
Use synonyms
 compulsory, there wouldn't be any
students
Use synonyms
 who are bullied for their clothing.
In other words
Linking Words
,
school
Use synonyms
uniforms
Use synonyms
 play a vital role in managing discrimination among
students
Use synonyms
.
That is
Linking Words
 all I have explained about the issue like the coin flips over two sides. When it comes to voicing my opinion, there could be several brighter sides to wearing
school
Use synonyms
uniforms
Use synonyms
. More importantly, those who
feel
Verb problem
apply
show examples
struggle to make ends meet could educate their children in schools without an enormous amount of expense on clothing. If I lay my cards on the table,
uniforms
Use synonyms
 are significant for
school
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
. To cite Mongolia as an example, every educational sphere provides its own
uniforms
Use synonyms
 for its
students
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 strive for their studies
instead
Linking Words
 of material possessions. It is the most reasonable paradigm.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least, I
would be
Verb problem
am
show examples
confident that making
school
Use synonyms
uniforms
Use synonyms
 compulsory could turn a new leaf for parents and
students
Use synonyms
 by offering less discrimination or financial burden
whereas
Linking Words
uniforms
Use synonyms
 play a vital role in reducing
such
Linking Words
 problems even if some people never feel advocative with my point of view.
Submitted by M on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Ensure that your thesis statement clearly outlines your main argument and position on the topic. It will improve the clarity of your introduction.
supported main points
Develop the body paragraphs further with more detailed examples to support your arguments, such as specific cases from different countries.
logical structure
Use transitional phrases and linking words consistently to improve the flow and coherence of the essay.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and presents a clear opinion on the subject.
complete response
The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages, providing a balanced view of the topic.
relevant specific examples
You provide a relevant example from Mongolia to support your point about the reduction of financial burden.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Mandatory
  • Disparities
  • Fostering
  • Belonging
  • Simplifies
  • Self-expression
  • Individuality
  • Entail
  • Additional costs
  • Uniformity
  • Bullying
  • Discrimination
What to do next:
Look at other essays: