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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

People are now surrounded by advertising. This both affects what people think is important and has a negative impact on people's life. What extend do you agree or disagree?

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There are many types of advertisements and marketing creations that innovate the company or achieve success. All of these are undoubtedly the intellectual abilities of the advertisers. Behind all these benefits for companies, there are still negative sides for people living in
such
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 an atmosphere. The consequences of
such
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 influential marketing methods can lead to mental damage to a person. I believe that
this
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 won't have an extremely detrimental effect on people's well-being. First of all, the rise of global brands means that more people tend to see posters and banners more than ever before. In my opinion, these advertisements have become so ubiquitous that the majority of the public would like to buy the product. Most of the benefits of advertising get brands and companies in general.
For example
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,
this
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 includes expanding the agency, gaining a number of customers, and enlarging the development of the association.
On the other hand
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, it can be argued that consumerism in announcements has created many negative aspects.
For instance
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, the rise of irritability, sensitivity or destruction of the brain system.
However
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, these days, the fact that materials required to make these video clips demand a large amount of money to create which can the economic system.
For example
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, just 1 video clip needed an actress, actors’ videographers, other staff, and equipment. After the shot of the commercials is posted on posters banners, social media on TV and so on the clip will scroll through media streets penetrating into society's minds. In conclusion, despite some of the perceived perks, I still believe that ads have taken over the population’s consciousness and that the state companies, and associations getting benefits
as a result
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. The introduction should present the topic and your thesis statement, while the conclusion should summarize your main points and restate your position. The absence of a clear conclusion weakens your essay's structure and may leave the reader uncertain about your final stance.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay in a logical and easy-to-follow manner. Use paragraphs to separate ideas, and make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by relevant information or examples. This will help the reader to understand the progression of your argument. Your essay demonstrated some organization, but the ideas could be more cohesively presented for stronger coherence.
task achievement
Fully respond to all parts of the task. Clearly state your position and ensure that your argument directly addresses the question. Provide a balanced view if the question requires a discussion of both sides of an issue. Your essay addressed the prompt, but the development of each point could be more thorough with consistent supporting examples.
task achievement
Use specific and relevant examples to support your points. While you mentioned some general examples, it's essential to demonstrate your ideas with clear and detailed illustrations. This can help to strengthen your arguments and give them more weight. Aim for more substance in the examples you provide to effectively back up your claims.
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