IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that school studies are not useful and most important things are learnt outside the school. Do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion and examples.

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There are divided arguments between studying in schools is not important rather than learning outside academic environments. In my perspective, study in formal background is more important than informal which will be discussed in
this
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 essay.
First,
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studying in an institution with a law legacy will help students develop their cognitive and interaction skills. Especially if they get accepted to study in multicultural races and religions, which will help them broaden their connection and understanding of each other.
This
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 means, the children adapt and make strong friendships because they try to tolerance and respect their uniqueness. Because of that, school is not just a place for the core subject but
also
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 for gaining information about the majority and minorities and implementing their morals outside school. Afterwards, studying with under vision of government or civitas academic will help their chance to keep their academic and job security.
This
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 is reflected by people who want to reach their academic degree and career higher than usual.
As a result
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,
this
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 aspect is still relevant right now,
although
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 there are drawbacks to the quality of education in several places.
However
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, those bad schools will be eliminated in slowly pace and forced to close,
due to
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 the effect of rivalry between schools in scouting the candidates. Compared to studying in non-academic societies, they only had a less impact and small values because they tend to focus on communication skills rather than social or science subjects.
To conclude
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, studying in different places has good results for developing students, but it would be better if children had a chance to continue studies in legal ways to help them grow as they become adults.

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task achievement
Improve the clarity of your arguments by providing more specific examples and ensuring each point directly supports your main thesis.
coherence
Consider revising the structure of your paragraphs to enhance logical flow. Each paragraph should ideally focus on one main idea and be clearly linked to your thesis.
coherence
Refine your introduction to clearly state your stance and briefly outline the main points you will address in the essay.
task achievement
You've presented a clear opinion on the topic, stating your belief that formal education is important.
task achievement
Your essay covers a range of ideas about the benefits of schooling, indicating good critical thinking about the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • structured learning
  • critical thinking
  • intellectual curiosity
  • interpersonal skills
  • extracurricular activities
  • practical knowledge
  • self-taught
  • informal learning
  • financial literacy
  • emotional intelligence
  • work experience
  • apprenticeships
  • theoretical knowledge
  • well-rounded education
What to do next:
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