IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

You have heard that a developer plans to build a shopping center near your home. Write a letter to the council.

#developer #plans #center #home #council
Dear Sir or Madam The reason why I am writing
this
 letter to you is that I heard about building new a shopping centre in my district. In my mind, it has several drawbacks and I have solutions for them. At the outset, for the building of a shopping area in the centre of the district, many trees should be cut off. And it will be the reason for the decreasing oxygen.
Furthermore
,
although
 parents can buy anything comfortably, children,who live near
this
 centre cannot play safely. Because the big type of transport for buildings or shoppers' cars will be dangerous for them.
Additionally
,today our streets have noise pollution already if there are new big shops,noise pollution will increase double or triple. For the mentioned reasons,I and people in my street disagree with constructing it. I can recommend another place to build it. 1000 square meters of place near the river has been free for several decades.
Moreover
,several skyscrapers and buildings of government were built near there. If a developer builds
this
 shopping area in
this
 place, people can get much more advantages from the building. I hope the developer will get my recommendation and construct his building near the river. I am waiting for a reply letter from the builder or the government. Yours faithfully, Kim Chin In
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea. Start a new paragraph when introducing a different point.
task achievement
To enhance task achievement, consider expanding on how the proposed alternative location benefits the community with specific examples.
suitable writing tone
The letter maintains a formal tone throughout, which is appropriate for addressing a council.
greeting and closing
The letter includes a clear greeting and closing, contributing to a respectful and organized structure.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: