IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Write about the following topic: Some people think that when recruiting, companies should aim to take on people who are innovative and able to work independently, while others consider that they should recruit people who are able to work in a team and follow instructions. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#topic #people #companies #aim #work #team #instructions
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Some
people
 believe that companies should recruit those
people
 who are able to
work
 independently
while
 others believe that they should take
people
 who can
work
 in a
team
 and follow instructions. I personally believe that
while
 working in a
team
 helps to reach the goals on
time
, recruiters should hire those
people
 who can
work
 independently because
employees
work
 without any distractions. Working in a
team
 helps the
team
 members to reach the goal on
time
. In a
team
, every
team
 member contributes,
therefore
, it is a collective effort, and the
work
 can be finished within the timeframe.
For example
, in Australia, job agencies who are working
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 food delivery offer employment to those who are able to
work
 in a
team
. They believe that working in a
team
 helps them to prepare the food, and deliver it to the customer on
time
.
However
, I personally believe that working in a
team
 causes distractions because every
team
 member has different opinions. Working independently allows a person to
work
 without any disturbance. When a person works without any disturbance, he gives full attention to his
work
.
This
 increases the quality of his performance.
For instance
, around 60% of the
employees
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the IT industry in Germany have expressed that they prefer to
work
 independently because they do not have to think about the opinions of others.
Therefore
, I personally believe that working independently enhances the performance of the
employees
. In conclusion,
while
 working in a
team
 helps
employees
 to complete their
work
 on
time
, working independently helps
employees
 to
work
 without any disturbance.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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task achievement
While your introduction clearly states your position, consider providing a more balanced view by discussing the second perspective (working in teams) more extensively before stating your opinion in the conclusion. This will strengthen the task achievement score by showing a complete response to both views.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, try to use linking words and phrases more frequently to connect ideas smoothly. This will also help to improve the logical structure of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which support the coherence and cohesion score.
task achievement
Good use of specific examples, like the case of Australian job agencies and German IT employees, which add relevance to your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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