More people shop, work and communicate via the internet instead of face-to-face communication. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Compared with the traditional way, there is a growth trend in doing your normal work like shopping, working, and communicating through the
Internet
.
While
there are some negatives associated with
this
issue, I believe the main benefits are more substantial. On the one hand, a potential negative of shopping online may be goods are not the same, both the light and the filter that the photographer uses to take a photo are essential.
Moreover
, much dissatisfaction has been reported with
this
issue. Another perceived negative is that staff can abuse working through the
Internet
. it may lead to laziness. Indeed, their efficiency is not good enough
instead
of going to the workplace.
Finally
, they state that trusting
people
through the
Internet
is impossible. They are likely to face unsafe
people
, which brings some problems like emotional abuse and
internet
fraud.
On the other hand
, a primary advantage of shopping online is that some factors like price, buyers’ recommendations, and varieties can easily compare with each other and find a suitable option. A
further
reason for working through the
Internet
is that it is environmentally –friendly, much petrol is not needed for commuting.
In addition
, the figure for office expenditure will be decreased.
Besides
, thanks to technology,
people
around the world are more convenient to connect with their relatives or friends, in the past, they did not have
this
chance. Using the
Internet
is not a new phenomenon but it is paramount to teach
people
how to use it, and policymakers should prepare strict laws to prevent
Internet
crime. In conclusion, it is true that doing things on the
Internet
would seem some disadvantages under certain circumstances.
However
, in my view, its positive effects in terms of environmentally friendly and convenient use override the disadvantages.
Submitted by sarataklimi89 on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples. For instance, mention a particular case of internet fraud or a scenario showcasing environmental benefits to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Ensure all negative points are distinctly separated and explored with sufficient depth. For example, discuss internet fraud and emotional abuse as separate points to give each issue due attention.
task achievement
Elaborate on how teaching people to use the Internet and implementing strict laws can mitigate disadvantages. More details will enhance the essay's strength.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence variety to improve readability. Transition words and diverse sentence structures will contribute to a smoother flow.
coherence cohesion
Address minor grammatical errors, such as capitalizing the first letter of a sentence (e.g., 'it may lead to laziness' should be 'It may lead to laziness').
introduction conclusion present
The essay begins with a clear introduction that sets the context for the discussion.
introduction conclusion present
A well-structured conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces your perspective.
logical structure
Logical structure maintains a clear progression of ideas. Each paragraph has a distinct focus, contributing to overall coherence.
supported main points
Main points in the essay are supported with reasoning and examples, making the arguments more persuasive.
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