IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Universities should accept equal number of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#universities #students
Some proportions of people think an equal number of men and women should attend
lessons
 during university classes.
Moreover
, some parts of humanity disagree with that and they think it is eligible to participate with different numbers of each
gender
. In my perspective, it is a less important topic in university, as
everyone
 can pursue their wanted subjects without any doubt.Some students may not have an interest in Informational Technologies
lessons
therefore
 they attend other subjects
such
 as Chemical Engineering or Petroleum Engineering.
For instance
, in Petroleum engineering classes there a few women want to attend because the engineering field will be stressful for their life activities. In according that example, all the students should participate in their choice of classes for both genders. If universities accept the same numbers of both genders in all
lessons
 it paves the way for a high unemployment rate, because,
everyone
 has have same interests in life. Some
lessons
 can be boring for the men or women.
On the other hand
, attending to the
lessons
 with equal numbers can be useful for creating
gender
 equality in all professions. Nowadays,
gender
 equality is a debated topic in the whole world, because there is inequality in various areas
such
 as pilot or teacher. In conclusion, in my point of view, I totally disagree with
this
 statement from an interesting perspective,
although
gender
 inequality leads to a lot of problems.
This
 thinking can not solve the
gender
 unbalance problem,
therefore
everyone
 should attend to their interest subjects. If
everyone
 chooses their favourite major, it can help to solve a lot of problems like that.
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Coherence and Cohesion
Consider clarifying your position earlier in the essay and sticking to it throughout to improve consistency and coherence.
Task Achievement
Ensure all examples directly support your main points and are explained thoroughly. This will make your argument stronger and clearer.
Task Achievement
Aim to elaborate more on your main arguments. This will enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your response.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, establishing the topic and providing a summarized opinion.
Task Achievement
The essay successfully recognizes the complexity of the topic by presenting both perspectives on gender balance in university admissions.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender equality
  • diversity
  • inclusivity
  • balanced
  • learning environment
  • opportunities
  • perspectives
  • gender stereotypes
  • fairness
  • equal opportunities
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