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Band 7.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
Multiple processed
food
 and drink products with high
sugar
 put
people
 at risk of a series of health problems, and to combat it and escape the unhealthy
food
 cycle, raising the
price
 of those kinds of
food
 would be a good way to reduce
people
's consumption. I partially agree with
this
 view, and in
this
 essay, I will discuss my opinion with examples in the following paragraphs. First of all, it is true that high-
sugar
food
 is a culprit, leading to a bad wellness,
while
people
 know that it is unhealthy, they still purchase it and account for its extremely to obtain. In comparison with other healthy nutrition dietary,
sugar
 products,
such
 as candy, cookies, soda, etc, are not always quite as expensive as those healthy
food
,
as a result
, individuals are encouraged to buy more. Take chocolate bars as an example, a chocolate bar only costs 10 NT dollars in Taiwan, being 10 times cheaper than a staple
food
, no wonder many children or some adults would keep buying it.
Therefore
, I think to change these results,
food
 with high
sugar
 which should be sold at a high
price
 can work.
However
, in some cases, raising the cost of
price
 can be useless, owing to individuals' desires. Many
people
 get satisfaction from eating junk
food
 that contains high
sugar
, whatever how expensive it is.
For instance
, when I am in my menstrual period, enjoying some high-
sugar
food
 can not only lift my spirit but
also
 ease my pain;
hence
, I think the high
price
 will not be a tough barrier for me.
To sum up
, I think health-related problems are complex; even though taking up the
price
 can be a good measure, everyone has different levels of resistance, so there are more complementary measures that should be conducted to solve
this
 severe consumption of
sugar
food
 issue.
Submitted by Chloe on

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Task Achievement
Ensure your position is clear throughout the essay. While you’ve presented a nuanced view, it could be beneficial to clarify your stance more distinctly in the introduction and revisit it in the conclusion to strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
For better task achievement, try to include a wider range of examples from various contexts. While personal examples are effective, incorporating broader societal or scientific evidence can lend more weight to your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance the essay with more complex structures and a wider range of vocabulary, particularly when discussing abstract concepts or arguments. This can improve the precision and sophistication of your expression.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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