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Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart below shows the number of international applicants to the university of one European country.

The chart below shows the number of international applicants to the university of one European country.
The diagram depicts the data regarding the total of international
students
Use synonyms
 from 4 distinct countries that apply for
university
Use synonyms
 in a
European
Use synonyms
 country between 2004 and 2008. To commence, by 2004,
China
Use synonyms
 and America were the dominant applicants to the
university
Use synonyms
, accounting for approximately 22.500 on average for each origin.
This
Linking Words
 was followed by Japan and Russia at below 5.000 individuals, indicating a noticeable disparity.
Moreover
Linking Words
, by 2006, the number of Chinese and American
students
Use synonyms
 who registered in a
European
Use synonyms
university
Use synonyms
 was identical at about 17.500,
whereas
Linking Words
 those who applied from Japan were almost 10.000 less compared to
China
Use synonyms
 and America, and Russia’s remained considerably low at approximately 4.000 people.
However
Linking Words
, by 2008, there was a substantial surge in the number of American
students
Use synonyms
 who submitted registration forms to a
European
Use synonyms
university
Use synonyms
, reaching approximately 22.500,
while
Linking Words
 those from
China
Use synonyms
 were only half of America’s.
Additionally
Linking Words
, in 2008,
although
Linking Words
 10.000 Japanese
students
Use synonyms
 applied to a
European
Use synonyms
university
Use synonyms
, the total of Russian
students
Use synonyms
 that submitted registration forms was significantly low, at around 6.000 fewer from Japan. To encapsulate, though there was a fluctuation in the
students
Use synonyms
' applications from 4 different countries to a
European
Use synonyms
university
Use synonyms
,
China
Use synonyms
 and America consistently became the highest registrants throughout the period.

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, university, european, china with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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