IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Museums and art galleries should show local history and culture instead of work from different countries. Discuss both views and give your opinion. (Write 250 words.)

#museums #art #galleries #show #history #culture #work #countries
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People who live in the present day can find knowledge on the internet, which they can search it anywhere and anytime. Some people prefer to learn
at
Change preposition
apply
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the outside classrooms,
museums
Use synonyms
, and art galleries
,
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apply
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 because these places have many activities and specific information that they want to know. Some
museums
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 show only local culture, but some demonstrate
the
Correct article usage
apply
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other cultures.
This
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 topic will
describe
Wrong verb form
be described
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in
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from
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 both points of view. Local
museums
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 usually present the city’s culture because the maintenance budget is limited to maintaining objects in these places.
For instance
Linking Words
, my hometown, Nakhon Pathom, has a Buddhist
museum
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 that shows various topics
such
Linking Words
 as the Buddhist history in Thailand, monk sculptures, and paintings.
Although
Linking Words
 they want to show the other Buddhist sect in the
museum
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, the maintenance cost is higher than the local part.
As a result
Linking Words
, they use
this
Linking Words
 budget to keep the cleaning and adjust the objects in the local section.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
museums
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 and galleries that show cultures worldwide use a high annual budget to keep items because these items require special technicians with specific skills in each art but people who are interested in international history want to attend
this
Linking Words
museum
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. If their city has
this
Linking Words
museum
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, they may not visit it in other provinces and can learn the international arts and history from
this
Linking Words
 place.
For example
Linking Words
, I visited the
Louver
Correct your spelling
Louvre
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Museum
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 in Paris, France,
last
Linking Words
 year and realized that the
museum
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 not only shows French culture, but
also
Linking Words
 illustrates art styles from many countries
such
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 as Greek-Roman, Egypt, Scandinavia, German, and Arabic styles. In my opinion, I support that the
museums
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 and galleries should demonstrate the work from different countries because everyone can learn each topic at these places that suits someone who does not want to travel far from their country.
Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on

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coherence
Consider using a clearer structure for your paragraphs. The first paragraph transitions from the internet to the role of museums without a clear connection. Ensure that your main points are introduced more distinctly.
coherence
Strengthen the introduction to outline your argument more explicitly, as this will set clearer expectations for the reader.
coherence
Clarify the linkage between your examples and your main argument. For example, elaborate more on why the financial constraints affect whether cultures from different countries can be displayed, and explore this reasoning further.
task achievement
Avoid assumptions about the reader's understanding; briefly explain terms like 'Louver Museum' or provide context for your examples to ensure they are clear to all readers.
task achievement
You provide specific and relevant examples that enrich your argument and make it more relatable.
coherence
Your conclusion clearly states your opinion and emphasizes the main point of your argument. This closure enhances the essay's impact.
task achievement
The essay's focus on real-world examples adds authenticity and demonstrates your engagement with the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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