IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from you own knowledge or experience.

#people #money #future
Many contend that it is crucial for everyone, including young
people
 to secure financial stability for their future. I completely agree with
this
 statement and I will be discussing the reasons for my opinion in
this
 essay.
Firstly
, I think that in time to come, being financially stable gives individuals the freedom and opportunity to pursue their personal interests. If
people
 start saving money at a young age, they have the privilege to step away from the working industry as they do not have to solely rely on salary income to sustain their daily living expenses.
This
 allows
people
 to shift their focus and time on activities
such
 as passion projects or research projects for their enjoyment and self-fulfilment, without the prospect of having to worry about finances, allowing individuals to complete these activities to the best of their ability.
Furthermore
, having money put aside for future use is important for unexpected circumstances
such
 as emergencies.
For instance
, there are possibilities of unforeseen medical emergencies occurring in one’s life. In
this
 day and age, medical care is not cheap. With money saved,
people
 do not have to worry about being unable to cover the costs of unpredictable events as
such
 as they are always financially stable. In conclusion, I think that financial security is essential for everyone as it allows individuals to pursue their personal interests without having to worry about expenses
as well as
 being prepared to cover the costs of events that occur unexpectedly.
Submitted by d.adeliasong on

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task achievement
Your essay introduced and concluded the topic well, offering a clear stance on the importance of financial stability. Consider exploring contrasting views to give a more balanced perspective, which could strengthen your argument further.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is well-organized and flows logically, which makes it easy to follow. Adding transition words can slightly improve the fluency and linkage of ideas.
task achievement
Incorporate more diverse examples to back your points. For instance, consider including examples from different cultures or economic contexts, which could enrich your essay.
task achievement
Ensure the ideas are comprehensive and detailed. Expanding on the implications or potential consequences of not having financial security could make your argument more compelling.
coherence and cohesion
You have successfully introduced and concluded the essay with a clear stance on the importance of financial stability.
coherence and cohesion
The logical flow between your points is well executed.
task achievement
Good job on addressing the topic thoroughly and providing reasoning for your stance.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
What to do next:
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