IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree

#aim #science #people #lives
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There is currently a contentious argument over
science
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 and technology. The most vital motive of art should be promoting society's
lives
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. I totally agree with
this
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 statement and in
this
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 essay, I will support my opinion with examples and try to draw some conclusions. The first and foremost reason is health advancements. As we all know, nowadays a substantial amount of
people
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 are suffering from various kinds of diseases.
Thus
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, scientific inventions should be useful to cure these kinds of illnesses and save
people
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 from these dangerous situations.
For example
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, recently nation has faced a great pandemic infection all over the world, which affects the human soul considerably. In
this
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 ,situation the invention of vaccinations protects the public from that severe ailment.
This
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 is one of the vital positive impacts of
science
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 on the population.
Secondly
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, technological innovations.
This
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 led to the revolution in transport, communication, energy production and information technology which makes
people
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's day-to-day
lives
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 easier and efficient.
For instance
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, there are an enormous amount of transport modes, technological apps, and electronic devices which makes everything quite simple. Turning to the other side of the argument, technological misuse is one of the major reasons why discipline should not be promoted in the public's
lives
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. Scientific inventions have both positive and negative impacts on our
lives
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.
For instance
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, few scientists are money-minded and they are trying to use the same beneficial object to the negative side which can cause vast destruction in society. To sum it up,
science
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 has an enormous number of benefits for association as it can produce health-beneficial instruments, and can make a scientific revolution.
On the other hand
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, technological misuse may lead to harmful effects on the community.
Therefore
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 ,in my opinion, the main motive of
science
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 should be to protect and promote
people
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's
lives
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.
Submitted by akmaljeely on

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coherence cohesion
There are some inconsistencies with the essay's logical structure. Although you have an introduction and conclusion, the points made in the body paragraphs could be more coherently arranged. Try to maintain a consistent argument throughout and double-check that every point you make directly supports your thesis.
task achievement
You have given an overall response to the question, but some of your points lack completeness. Your examples are somewhat generic and could be more specific to enhance the quality of your argument and establish a clear position. Each example should develop a single idea to maintain clarity and coherence.
lexical resource
Your writing exhibits a good range of vocabulary (lexical resource). However, some of your word choices are not accurate. For example, you referred to 'money-minded' scientists, which is unclear. Consider more appropriate vocabulary to convey your ideas effectively.
grammatical range accuracy
You generally use a variety of complex structures (grammatical range) but the essay has a few punctuation and grammar errors. For instance, '...pandemic infection all over the world, which affects the human soul considerably.' It seems you accidentally used 'soul' instead of perhaps 'health?' Check your text carefully to fix these mistakes.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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