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Band 4.5

Some young people look forward to a year of travelling, a ‘gap-year’, before they begin work or university and see it as a chance to broaden their horizon. For others this is an expensive waste of time. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #year #‘gap-year’ #work #university #chance #horizon #waste #time
Education has been an imperative part of people’s lives, especially for
one
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
 who pursue their
career
 in a certain expertise.
Therefore
, many graduate students decide to take a
gap
year
 either for travelling or working with the purpose of gaining experience and knowledge.
However
, others may
also
 see
this
 aspect as a waste of time.
Although
 there
some
Add a missing verb
are some
show examples
 drawbacks
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 it, I would say that choosing a
gap
year
 before proceeding
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 next chapter may be beneficial for some reasons which are set out below. It seems that most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people reckon that taking a
gap
year
 is a reckless action since
this
 decision may lead to delaying the studies and might cause a
losing
Replace the word
loss
show examples
a
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
 desire to go back to the university
along with
 the financial losses for the
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
.
According to
 the studies, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent graduates
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 their money irresponsibly
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 travel and
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 an issue
to recover
Change the verb form
recovering
show examples
 from their financial losses. Meanwhile, in my view, taking a
gap
year
 is beneficial for the
graduate’s
Change noun form
graduate
show examples
 student to broaden their insight and knowledge beyond the academic curriculum at university. By
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
,
one
 will likely
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
meet
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new people and
perspective
Fix the agreement mistake
perspectives
show examples
 from different
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
 of the world
along with
learn
Change the verb form
learning
show examples
 a new language. In fact, some graduates
also
 generate an income from
this
 opportunity by doing
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
volunteer and some
part time
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
while
 exploring a new place.
In addition
, concerning
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the work aspect
wise
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
, taking a
gap
year
 might affect negatively
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
one
career
 and
delaying
Wrong verb form
delay
show examples
 the
career
 ladder journey.
For instance
,
instead
 of achieving a certain level
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the industry,
one
 will be delaying
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
growth for a
year
 because of
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 and
this
 aspect can be seen adversely for
certain
Add an article
a certain
the certain
show examples
 employer where
one
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not take their
career
 seriously.
In contrast
, I believe that taking a
gap
year
 from work for
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 is beneficial since
one
 will likely gain
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
experience and enhance their skills outside of
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
.
It’s does
Change the verb form
It does
show examples
 not matter whether upgrading
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
such
 as independence, cultural awareness and confidence
along with
 hard
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 with certain expertise you are intrigued in. Obtaining those two skills during the
gap
year
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will
also
 enhance the CV and make it
stands
Correct subject-verb agreement
stand
show examples
 out. Ultimately,
although
 there are some disadvantages in taking a
gap
year
, I would say that the chance to gain more experience in studying
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
 language and cultural aspects,
as well as
 enhancing certain skills
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 far superior.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on creating clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to improve the overall logical structure and flow of ideas, allowing the reader to follow your arguments more easily.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your points. Use personal anecdotes, statistical data, or well-known references to back up your arguments.
task achievement
Clarify your ideas and ensure they're comprehensive by elaborating on some points. For instance, when mentioning skills like cultural awareness or independence, explain how these are particularly beneficial.
task achievement
You have successfully included both views of the topic, which shows a good understanding of the prompt.
coherence cohesion
You've structured the essay with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, which helps in maintaining coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and clearly states your opinion, rounding off the essay well.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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