IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Government should not have to provide care or financial support for elderly people because it is the responsibility of each person to prepare for retirement and support him or herself. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

#government #care #support #people #responsibility #person #retirement
One of the most challenging issues in today's world is the increasing elderly population which seems to bring up several consequences for the governments. Some say the heads of state are not responsible for providing special care for
this
 group of society, on the grounds that each individual should take care of themselves when they start to get old. I completely disagree with
this
 viewpoint, and in
this
 essay, I am going to elaborate on my reasons. The very first reason that I can share for being against the idea that old
people
 should not be supported by the government is that they should be honoured and respected for the years that they have been serving the
country
. As it is evident, all the working citizens of a
country
 pay a considerable amount of tax to the government during their years of employment, so
as a result
 they should benefit from their hard work when they get old and are in need.
For instance
, many governments construct geriatric establishments in order to take good care of the elderly. On top of that,
although
 it may seem that
this
 group of
people
 is not useful for the
country
, it is totally the opposite. Since old
people
 are more experienced, they can deliver a level of wisdom to the youngsters that can
consequently
 enhance society.
That is
 why these individuals should not be neglected.
For example
, many states try to treat their elderly the best and
also
 cherish them with different plans to keep them engaged with other social groups.
On the other hand
, some believe that the resources of the
country
 should not be consumed by the elderly as they should have planned for their retirement in advance. The reason for
this
 viewpoint is that they do not consider the elderly invaluable.
For example
, in some countries, there are no state nursing homes to serve the old
people
. All in all,
although
 some are of the view that governments should not support the elderly financially or in any other way, I think the opposite. In my opinion, these
people
 have the right to benefit from all the public services like all other groups in society.
Submitted by basri.fateme on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay's arguments are well-developed, but adding more specific examples or statistics could enhance task achievement.
coherence cohesion
While coherence is mostly maintained, ensuring smoother transitions between ideas could further improve logical flow.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly outlines the writer's position and sets the stage for the main points.
task achievement
The essay provides thoughtful reasons and examples supporting the position taken.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the argument and reinforces the writer's viewpoint.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial support
  • retirement
  • self-sufficiency
  • government subsidies
  • pension schemes
  • quality of life
  • economic uncertainties
  • inflation
  • dignity
  • personal responsibility
  • publicly funded
  • inadequate preparation
  • social security
  • care provision
  • elderly poverty
  • financial burden
What to do next:
Look at other essays: