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Band 2.5

In the United Kingdom, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family. g

#kingdom #someone #home #people #nurses #government #care #g
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In the United Kingdom, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look
them
Change preposition
after them
show examples
. Sometimes the
government
 has to pay for
this
care
. Who do you think should pay for
this
care
, the
government
 or the family In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 when
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people get old
government
 have to research their conduction. If they have got insurance or saved up money or real
estate
, special commission members must convert their own
estate
take
Fix the infinitive
to take
show examples
care
them
Change preposition
of them
show examples
. But if they don’t have any
estate
, their children or relatives have to look after them, in my view
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
also
have
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 to
care
them
Change preposition
for them
show examples
 time by time. It depends
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the budget of each country. Another
solving
Wrong verb form
way to solve
show examples
 the problem, their family will help
50
Change preposition
with 50
show examples
% of consumption and
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 will cover 50% of
this
.
Furthermore
, if people
capable
Add a missing verb
are capable
show examples
to work
Change preposition
of working
show examples
easy
Change the word
easily
show examples
, they must work.
For example
, part-time jobs,
likes
Change the verb form
like
show examples
 sewing or cleaning, cooking. It
also
 covers expenses and helps the state.
However
, everyone must think early their old time and save
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
estate
 and be independent
financial
Change the word
financially
show examples
. Maybe at school,
university
Correct article usage
the university
show examples
government
 have to learn
for
Change preposition
about
show examples
this
.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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task response
Clarify your stance consistently throughout the essay. You presented multiple viewpoints, but your position on who should be primarily responsible for the care is not clear.
coherence cohesion
Include a clear introduction that outlines your main argument and a short conclusion that summarizes your points.
task response
Improve on providing specific examples. For instance, the example about the types of work elderly individuals can do could be more specific and detailed.
task response
The essay addresses multiple perspectives on the issue – the roles of the government, family, and the individuals themselves.
coherence cohesion
There is an attempt to propose practical solutions, such as shared financial responsibility between families and the government.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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