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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that the main benefit of international cooperation is in the protection of the environment, while others believe that businesses mainly benefit. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #benefit #cooperation #protection #environment #businesses
Some
people
 think that the main benefit of international cooperation is in the protection of the environment,
while
 others believe that businesses mainly benefit. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Write at least 250 words.
Although
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 growing number of
people
 feel that the core
merits
Fix the agreement mistake
merit
show examples
 of worldwide collaboration is to
maintaining
Wrong verb form
maintain
show examples
 our environment, it is argued by some that work advantages
is
Change the verb form
are
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 more considerable. I accede to the view that
Correct your spelling
businesses
buisnesses
Correct your spelling
businesses
 basically are more privileged in global
cooperations
Fix the agreement mistake
cooperation
show examples
. On the one hand, a group of
people
 put
toward
Change preposition
apply
show examples
two main arguments to support the idea that
primary
Correct article usage
the primary
show examples
 benefits are for
environment
Add an article
the environment
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 .
According to
 these
people
, agreements which international organizations write for
protection
Correct article usage
the protection
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 of our habitat
is
Change the verb form
are
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 fairly valuable . These agreements assist governments
to help
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in helping
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 each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
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 in natural disasters and allow other countries to provide
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
better help in
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 circumstances.
Furthermore
, global cooperations raise awareness about environmental issues of other countries through conferences and travels, which
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
 finding comprehensive
solution
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solutions
show examples
 for them.
On the other hand
, others, including myself, state two plausible
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
due
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apply
show examples
to businesses gain more perks
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 international interactions . First of all, global collaborations allow companies to be well-known in
international
Correct article usage
the international
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 dimension,
given
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giving
show examples
 an opportunity to
growing
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grow
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 beyond the boundaries of any country.
Additionally
,
work
Wrong verb form
working
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 with other nations brings considerable funds for
commerces
Fix the agreement mistake
commerce
show examples
. Owing to the large size global industry, companies
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
accessed
Replace the word
access
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 to
huge
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the huge
a huge
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 marketplace which financially
supply
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supplies
show examples
 them. In conclusion, I can understand why some
people
 might assume that environmental perks are more in
collaborate
Replace the word
collaboration
show examples
 globally, but it seems to me that businesses gain fundamental benefits through accessing
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the international industries.
Submitted by rezaei.rezvan94 on

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task achievement
Address both views more thoroughly by expanding your arguments and providing more depth to your analysis. This will enhance the completeness and relevance of your response.
task achievement
Provide more relevant and specific examples to support your points. Doing so will make your arguments more convincing and grounded.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas more logically. Try to connect your ideas with clear transitions to strengthen cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction presents the topic clearly, and there is a conclusion that summarizes your stance effectively, which is a good practice in essay writing.
task achievement
You have acknowledged and discussed both views, which demonstrates an understanding of the task requirements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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