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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that it is best to encourage children to have a healthy diet at school while others believe that parents should be the ones to teach children to have a healthy diet Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some individuals argue that educational institutions should take the primary
role
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 in educating
kids
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 to adopt healthy diets,
while
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 some argue that
this
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 responsibility lies on
parents
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' shoulders. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both views before presenting my opinion. On one hand, schools play a crucial
role
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 in shaping
children
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's habits and behaviours. There are so many ways in which educational institutions can promote the idea of a healthy diet to
kids
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.
For instance
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, schools should introduce structured programs
such
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 as nutrition education in the curriculum and healthy meal plans in cafeterias.
Moreover
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, teachers and staff can serve as
role
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 models by promoting the benefits of a healthy lifestyle in
children
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 to create a positive influence and normalize making healthy dietary choices.
On the other hand
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 , many believe that it should be the primary responsibility of
parents
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 to teach their
kids
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 about adopting healthy diets. From an early age,
kids
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 learn from what they see at home. If
parents
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 consistently provide nutritious meals and educate their
children
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 about the benefits of healthy eating,
this
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 forms a strong foundation for a lifelong healthy lifestyle.
Moreover
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,
parents
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 have autonomy over what their
children
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 eat outside school hours and during weekends making their
role
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 indispensable. In many traditions, food holds great importance to family cultures and traditions.so parental involvement is the key to fostering healthy eating habits. In conclusion, I would say that we should move forward with a balanced and collaborative approach. The responsibility should be equally shared by schools and
parents
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 as they both play an important part in developing
children
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's early habits.By combining educational initiatives at school with supportive practices at home, we can better equip
children
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 to make informed, healthy food choices throughout their lives.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly separate your ideas and use linking words to show the connections between them.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to back up your points, especially when discussing both views.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which gives your essay a good structure.
task achievement
Your points about both schools and parents are relevant and show that you understand the topic well.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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