IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

some people think that children should be homeschooled when they are very young, while others think it is better for them to attend kindergarden. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#people #children #kindergarden
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some people argue that parents should provide
inhouse
Correct your spelling
in-house
show examples
 teaching for their preschool
children
,
wheras
Correct your spelling
whereas
 others believe that they
sholud
Correct your spelling
should
 send their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
 to
nursey
Correct your spelling
nursery
show examples
 set up. I
stringly
Correct your spelling
strongly
 agree with the latter statement and I will provide enough examples to prove my opinion.
Firstly
, I
firemly
Correct your spelling
firmly
 believe that
kindergarden
Correct your spelling
kindergarten
 facilitates a formal
curriculam
Correct your spelling
curriculum
 for the kids and it enhances
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
learning in a systematic way.
For
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
 some educational institutions
adopts
Change the verb form
adopt
show examples
a scientificaly proven learning methods
Correct the article-noun agreement
a scientificaly proven learning method
scientificaly proven learning methods
show examples
 like gaining knowledge
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 activities, poems, stories and pictures.
This
 eventually makes the schooling environment more interactive and
children
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
easily
gets
Correct subject-verb agreement
get
show examples
 familiar with the subject matter.
In addition
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the presence of peer groups inside the
class rooms
Correct your spelling
classroom
show examples
emphasize
Correct subject-verb agreement
emphasizes
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
socialization and improves
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
communication
skilss
Correct your spelling
skills
 among
children
. To exemplify that,
similar
Change preposition
in similar
show examples
 age groups kids can engage in various play activities and through
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
 they can boost
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 physical and intellectual abilities.
On the other hand
, many people think that bonding time with parents becomes the most crucial part of
children
's early stage of development.
Therefore
, it would be unnecessary for toddlers to go to school as early as possible.
Moreover
, they argue that
children
 should spend most of their time playing outside, which might be lacking if they attend kindergarten.
For example
, some
day care
Correct your spelling
daycare
show examples
 centres not
giving
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
 adequate attention to kids
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 leads to some mishappenings like child abduction .Many parents worry that their sons or daughters do not have sufficient time to play and explore things. In conclusion,
although
 both views bring strong justifications, I would still argue that schools offer many things that could help
children
 in their development stage.
Submitted by dixonpeter24 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Grammar/Spelling
Proofread your essay to correct minor spelling and grammatical errors to increase clarity and effectiveness.
Argumentation depth
Develop your argumentation with more diversified examples and evidence to strengthen your position.
Balanced View
Consider a more balanced view by elaborating on the opposing argument to showcase a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Transition/Flow
To further enhance coherence, ensure transitions between paragraphs are smooth and logical, guiding the reader through your arguments seamlessly.
Task Achievement
You've provided a clear opinion and supported it with relevant examples, which is great for task achievement.
Structure
The essay has a good structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion that enhance reader understanding.
Language Variety
Usage of varied sentence structures and vocabulary enriches the quality and engagement of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: