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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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There is no denying the fact that
children
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 should be good members of society and
this
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 relies on
parents
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 raising,
While
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 other people think
this
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 should be part of schools
education
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. In
this
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 essay, both points of view will be explained.
To begin
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 with,
children
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 are one of the most important parts of society around the world.
Parents
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 should look after their kids in everything. to clarify, each mother and father are responsible for their sons'
education
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 and attitude in order to teach them in proper way to participate in their community when they become adults.
For example
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, spending two hours with
parents
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 to their kids will teach them a lot of good things.
Moreover
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, being honest with your babies and answering their inquiries is better than letting them do what they think is correct. In terms of school-raising for
children
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, they need to develop their
education
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 materials. It is
also
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 possible to say that good books will help teachers to deliver the needed message well.
For instance
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, adding one class prepared with a nicely decorated in each school and providing the books will help schools to do their responsibility.
Moreover
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, the government should focus on
this
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 thing and direct the Ministry of
Education
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 to make the required visits to each school. In conclusion, there are many people who believe taking care of
children
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 is
parents
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 responsibility. Others see it as part of the
education
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 system's responsibility.
Therefore
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, I agree that raising
children
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 is their
parents
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' duty.

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coherence cohesion
To enhance clarity, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that clearly outlines the main idea being discussed. This can help guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
The use of specific examples could be improved. Try to include more detailed and specific examples to support your arguments, rather than relying on general statements.
task achievement
Aim to further develop your ideas in each paragraph. Elaborate on your points with more detailed explanations to show a deeper understanding of the topic.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly outlines both sides of the argument and sets the stage for the discussion very well.
introduction conclusion present
The essay includes a clear conclusion that summarizes the discussion and expresses an opinion, fulfilling the task’s requirements.
coherence cohesion
The paragraphs are well-organized, with each focusing on a separate viewpoint, which aids coherence and readability.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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